proud to be from neptune

"Either you repeat the same conventional doctrines everybody is saying, or else you say something true, and it will sound like it's from Neptune." - Noam Chomsky

"If there were absolutely nothing that could obstruct it, no possibility for failure, what do you see in your life?" he asked.

Seconds passed, and I was still clunking thoughts.
"You're thinking too much. First thought. Whatever popped up when I asked."

Still, I hesitated. My mind was nearly blank. I realized I'd obliterated my idealist visions by labeling them "not feasible in this lifetime on this planet." It felt like a strange request to walk into that abandoned scrap heap, like digging for jewelry in the town dump. Would they even still be there?

Long pauses on the phone are less awkward than face-to-face, thankfully.

"You're doubting."
"Yes, I'd written off this question."

Reflecting back, I'd been hyper-drive into survival mode in 2008. I studied computer engineering rather than English literature with a minor in philosophy precisely so I'd never-ever-never end up in this position. I was all about independence and freedom -- which in my first few decades translated simplistically to financial freedom.

Fast forward to January 2009, here I am in the American city I loathed the most, near penniless (401K stock from my yuppie engineer days dwindled). That's the not part I vowed never-ever-never to have happen. That was living with my Mom. Certainly there's a part of me that chuckles at how this was so obviously going to happen. Fears and aversions and resistance are funny that way, but that's another post.

In light of my comic yet confounding plight, he's asking me imagine no obstacles, no doubts, and complete conviction in the certainty of the highest, boldest, most audacious creation?

I shared my first thought, as absurd as it seemed in a world that values iPods, Paris Hilton, tummy tucks and venti lattes. Two days later as I write this right now, I can see that what I shared - beautiful as it was is only a stepping stone, and isn't my wildest and most unhindered dream. Buried much further, I'm still pulling out potsherds of that scattered sculpture.

I hadn't thought of these dreams since I left New Orleans in early June. I arrived with hope and enthusiasm. I left dejected - feeling as if I'd failed the city, myself, God. I showed up in a post-disaster town trying to get back on its own two feet without being on my own two feet -- monetarily speaking. And I didn't have absolute faith in magic (how Source operates in this universe appears as magic to most of us). That last one did my vision in.

I say "my" vision, in the sense that I saw it, but I've never owned it. It goes beyond the personal. It has nothing to do with the kind of house with picket fence I'd like to have, or the perfect soulmate for me, or anything like that. I find when I serve the One, my owns needs are provided for automagically; yet if I fall back to worrying about my bills and how I'm going to eat today, I'm in for a downfall. (You'd think I'd figure out this pattern by now.)

The only thing is my assignments (they come as gentle nudgings of the heart, not commands from on high) keep getting bigger. The stakes higher. I got scared. Paralyzed scared.

I'm trying to bring you up to speed since I didn't blog much of 2008. Maybe it was the year "we were called upon to face the Perfect Storm." But that was then. This is a new year that zings with the masterful 11 vibration. And tomorrow is a new year. And the day after is a new year. It's always anew. "Every moment is fresh and unconditioned - until your mind tells you otherwise," I once heard Adyashanti say.

I don't care if anyone calls me Neptunian. That's become a backhanded compliment in my book, although only quite recently.

"Travelers, there is no path, paths are made by walking." – Antonio Machado

With that, I'm writing a series that isn't like any other series I've written. Utopian Neptunian visions set in the narrative framework of a near-future eARTh. I expect more storytelling within this new world, less me blathering on philosophically.

Although this series was inspired by the Superstruct alternative reality game, it also has its genesis in my recent read of "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy. "The Road" is set in a bleak post-apocalyptic America covered in ash. It rains ash, snows ash and it's uniformly gray and dreary. This greyness is so thrashing repetitive, I was ready to throw the book across the room at page seven. McCarthy depicts a world that is literally dog eat dog as many of the survivalist resort to eating each other. Obviously, the book has some redeeming value otherwise I'd not even bring it up. Though it's not exactly light beach reading. Read at your own risk.

The road. Fitting metaphor. So many believe we are being herded down a road and right over a cliff. If you subscribe to that belief, you will have that road. You are at a crossroads, not a road. I don't expect everyone to come down this fork in the road.

If buildings are like frozen music, then words are like frozen thought-forms. In a powerful way, I noted that what I write about has a way of happening, crystallizing into 3D being. (They're not even the highest thought-forms because those I don't even have thoughts for those. They have more of a spacious, vast feel I can't articulate yet.)

p.s. And this ought to be quite interesting to write this series as I don't even own a (working) laptop anymore. Begging, borrowing 'puters, libraries and getting by is my old way. Let the magic begin!

p.p.s. I'd like to also have a group (most probably private) site/blog/wiki that people can share their epiphanies, miracles, magic, omens, serendipities as a companion to the serial. Anyone know any good easy-as-cake tool for this?

ART CREDITS :: Girl gone wild!!! - or is it all really fake? by Ian Francis; A Bridge by Ian Francis
 

Comments

[Nadine]

This post made me smile. It is FANTASTIC to have you back. Thanks for making the journey. ;-)

[Dean Rosillo]

Hi Evelyn - Ning.com is perfect for this, i started a similar group called eclecticpopulous.com for a small group of friends. It never took off due to everyones focus on the real world and career building (all in mid 20's), but it should provide a good example of the potential that exists on that medium. (seth godin also started one called http://www.triiibes.com/ which is a more successful example) Namaste, Cheers!

[Joe]

Beautiful, perfect way to start a new day...a new week...a new year!

[Otis funkmeyer]

I love what you've written.

Google Meet the Funkmeyers.

I think you will be happy to discover kindred Neptunian spirits in us and some inspiration to brighten your day!

Much love
Jenny & Otis

[Ian Wallace]

Evelyn

In astrology, Neptune symbolises a place of inspirational imagination, boundless love and transcendental awareness so it sounds like you are already a true Neptunian!

Looking forward to the passion and clarity of your thoughts crystallising into the fire and passion of your words...

Love
Ian

[TRUE]

Yeay for your epiphany! Now things are really going to get interesting! :)

One love,

j

[Ben]

Hi Eva,

Don't you just love Adya? Not that he would care, but he is a hero of mine. He makes it well known very publicly that he is all for the whole thing to come unglued.

The current definitions of growth, productivity, and prosperity are now found to be a house of cards and yet I feel life does quite well at taking care of things on its own as it expresses itself through us.

When we say the sky is falling well then (as you point) it does.

It does seem to me that what we experience these days is very likely the alternative reality, and is melting away or down if you will. Personally, I sense\hope the current state of affairs will birth something much more real and supportive.

Being Neptunian could be the new Earthling. I can't believe I just wrote that line. ;o)

Loved the Post!
Ben

[Colleen Wainwright]

Never stop ephiphanizing.

I love hearing the stories you tell from the path you're illuminating.

And I know it looks scary to you sometimes but really, the rest of us have 100% faith in you and your ability to move with grace through whaddevah. So move, girl, and keep reporting back.

From any planet of your choosing.

[Kevin D. Keck]

Carlos Santana actually just created a new community on Ning that I think you should feel very at home in:
http://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/

[Atao]

The nervous system has a certain autonomy. Although every moment is fresh, and can under best conditions be experienced as that, the nervous systems keeps functioning on bad memories (and good memories too). A horse lives completely in the moment. Nevertheless, when it was traumatized by human beings, its nervous system will keep repeating the bad memory despite the fact that I have no intention to hurt it. Human beings soul and karma are maybe also like a semi-autonomous nervous system. Which hinders us to enjoy simply the fresh and joyful experience of NOW. I guess it takes continuous effort and also sometimes radical, earthquake like experiences to stop identifying with the nervous system and the karma system. Remember Eckhard Tolle who just woke up one day? He lived it as a moment of bliss. For some reason he stopped identification with his little ego. We are multilayered beings. As long as the nervous system can occupy the moment and as long as it can make of its limited truth the absolute truth what else can we do but keep walking and remember as often as possible the master inside of us, the unmoved witness, the self beyond fear, the actor playing with the reactor. Monty Roberts shows in a very down to earth way what it means to be a responsible master.

[Scott]

I love you for the line: "Certainly there's a part of me that chuckles at how this was so obviously going to happen. Fears and aversions and resistance are funny that way, but that's another post." Beautifully said. Can't wait to read that post when it appears!

SL

[Beverly]

I'm entirely new to the blogging world, but have lived on Neptune most of my life. Uranus with his sudden shifts always plays a part, too. I see we read a lot of the same info. Last Feb. 29 I decided to take a giant leap into the void - after all, if not now when since there is only now. All is well and will always be well. Not to say I don't forget that when bills have to be paid, but the universe always gives me what I need. My goal this year is to really find my artist self - that is the most intimate, hidden part of me - the part that is most vunerable and I have kept tucked away. I guess we always hide the most valuable things we own.

[Renkai]

I am going to order The Road.

[Evelyn Rodriguez]

Nadine, Thanks! It's fantastic to be back, and have souls like you encouraging. It means a lot. Although blogs have this tendency to be one-way if the readers aren't bloggers themselves, truly interactions can never be anything but mutually supportive, and expanding. Thank you.

Dean, Thanks for chipping in with the Ning reco. I thought of it, but what I'd like to do at first is keep it ultra ultra simple. I'm overextended on social networks as it is. For now, going to use delicious.com for link recos, and posterous.com for quick emails from the community - no registration required. More details soon. Thanks for taking time to participate with a suggestion - and I'd not followed Seth's Ning site, so that was good to know.

Otis, Thank you! I'm going to check your site out, and email. All ultraterrestials embraced here!

Ian, Thank you! When I first heard that quote - very recently through Joe (commented above), I thought I'd read Jupiter, which is also very great thing to be called. Only few weeks ago, I learned that I have Saturn in Pisces (Nepture's sign as you know, just emphasizing for clarity on this public comment) and Moon in Pisces. And my main Tarot card at soul level is High Priestess, which I consider Neptunian as well. I really believe that words infused with love and certainty can crystallize in form. And I am so blessed to have your encouragement. Thank you.

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[Evelyn Rodriguez]

Joe, Thanks so much for inspiring this post with the Noam Chomsky quote. So perfect.

Ben, Oh, yes, I adore Adya. He waltzed into my life when I was despairing that enlightenment was phoney, and was nearing nihilism. Such a clear mirror, he is. He showed me my Self. (Ugh, words, well more to point that there is no me, all Self.) Have you seen him in person? Go, if you have not. Speaking of penniless, first time I heard of him, I'd $250 in bank account - and did not hesitate to spend $200 on a weekend intensive. Yes, I think Neptunian is the new eARThling. There is a parallel world right now this now. This new world makes so much more sense to holy Fools like us. There'll be another fork soon too. I just keep putting one foot in front of other.... p.s. I'll be at Adya retreat Jan 16-18, and satsang in Palo Alto later, visiting Bay Area late January. Namaste.

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[Evelyn Rodriguez]

Reading these comments again, I feel such a tremendous outpouring of love. I have glistening eyes here, yes, even at the public cafe. Thank you, again.

communicatrix, Thanks so much for your friendship through these years. So this is what uncharted waters looks like. Sometimes terror, sometimes adventure - and usually they are just a shift in perception apart. My favorite part has always been the comrades that come along in my journey, sometimes as brief as falling stars, but thoroughly impacting.

TRUE, Yup! Things have been interesting (double-edged sword word) for last 7 years. I think now it's going to hyperdrive! Hold on, you're coming too.

Kevin, Took a quick peek. I'll check it out more. First glance, it seems too incremental for my taste. Systems that are collapsing, will continue to collapse. A higher order emerges out of chaos. I don't speak metaphorically when I say alternate reality. Yet, I had a sych with Carlos Santana over Christmas - and hadn't thought of him in years and years, so I certainly won't dismiss your recommendation at all. Thank you soooo much for sharing and participating with your resources.

Atao, Soooo good to hear your voice. Yes, I am too well aware of the ways the pain body (Tolle's term) operates to prop up illusions of fear, doubt, past obstacles, etc. What you said made me think of imprinting. Mukti said just as mother imprints her emotions on a newborn's limbic system, the indivisible self can imprint upon us. So we are not at mercy of our conditioned emotions and emotional body. Well, fear and doubt and resistance is certainly too big a topic for this comment. You and Scott (commented above) have prompted me to speak more about this in future posts. Thanks so much for your heartful comment. (I like heartful better than thoughtful...)

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[Evelyn Rodriguez]

Scott, Thanks. Everything that I resist, persists. I suppose I don't talk of it enough, but my spiritual practice is not meditation, not yoga, not singing to the sea....it's asking to see my blind spots - unflinching as best I can, claiming all my projections. I thought money would give me freedom - and I've had enough to know it did not - but it was embracing all of self, even if it appears over there in the form of a city, or parents, or difficult boss, or....that was freeing. Thanks for being catalyst to write more on this.

Beverly, Thank you for such a warm introduction. Welcome. Uranus will be quite encouraging to us Neptunians, as I'm not wedded to the status quo whatsoever. There is so much more to be expressed, experienced than what we've allowed. I agree about art feeling vulnerable. That's what's stopped me, much of the time. A strange fear of being shunned, for speaking out. I could focus on worry about the witch-hunters...yet at this point, I've focused on that by being outted, the ones who resonate will be able to find each other. Like we found each other. Thank you.

Renkai, I'd very much like to hear what "The Road" brings up for you. It actually helped me confront in a quite blunt way, but that's fine, old childhood fears that I realize had still plagued me. Pay attention to the boy. Again, love any feedback you have on it. It's one of those books worthy of discussing. My email is on top right of the site.

[Atao]

Yeah Evelyne, you may stand up one day and know. Certainly not everything. But all that is required to fulfill your unspoken promise. It takes two to create, but ONE to animate. Good luck sweetheart!

[psp zubehör]

Hi Evelyn,
The illuminatory way that you discuss a topic is worth appreciation. I enjoy reding your posts a lot. The line:'Certainly there's a part of me that chuckles at how this was so obviously going to happen' is an indicative of this. Do keep on updating.