we are the substance we withdraw to, not from

I used to go on retreats that I actually called "advances" or "dwelves" because the word retreat always seemed to connote going backwards to me. Oh, I know it's supposed to mean a retreat from the larger world pushing up against us like a vise, yet that word retreat repeatedly conjured a defeated army, head down in shame, shuffling off. So no retreats for me.

My first advance I called a Clarity Quest, and I entered Druid archways and hidden raven tales by solo backpacking into an unexpected windstorm in Canyonlands National Park. Other years, it was a gentle fairy meander through the meadows and hilly oak groves in a cabin twenty minutes and twenty centuries from the bustling Silicon Valley I lived at that time. I'd leave the world behind for anywhere from 3-7 days. Cell phones didn't work and that was the point. I'd bring hiking shoes (even though I was a long-distance runner at the time, I decided running was too much of a blur to inhale the orange of poppies), journals and colored pens, and simple food. Not much else.

The term "media fast" may not be evoking the right sensation. Like retreat, the word fast connotes a deprivation of sorts.

We might call it a media detox, that's better. Imagine a spiritual quest in situ, a creative staycation, a spontaneous sabbatical. (I'll share later how to get away from home and create your own inexpensive 4-day retreat. For this one week, we're not going away from home, and you can keep your day job if you wish, it's your off hours that you're in your inner haven.)

"As artists, we must learn to create our own safe environments." - Julia Cameron

Ten years ago, I took a 12-week course in The Artist's Way. I was a computer engineer who morphed into a software marketing geek at the time. All business. I was totally stunned when Rick, our instructor, said we were going to do without media for a week. Well, I simply couldn't do it. I justified it because I was a real rebel. As if devouring the latest Wired and The Industry Standard was revolutionary. In Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, she writes:

"When we engage in a creativity recovery, we enter into a withdrawal process from life as we know it. Withdrawal is another way of saying detachment or nonattachment, which is emblematic of consistent work with any meditation practice.

In movie terms [Julia Cameron is filmmaker], we slowly pull focus, lifting up and away from being embedded in our lives until we attain an overview. This overview empowers us to make valid creative choices. Think of it as a journey with difficult, varied, and fascinating terrain. You are moving to higher ground. The fruit of your withdrawal is what you need to understand as a positive process, both painful and exhilarating.

Many of us find that we have squandered our own creative energies investing disproportionately in the lives, hopes, dreams, and plans of others. Their lives have obscured and detoured our own. As we consolidate a core through our withdrawal process, we become more able to articulate our own boundaries, dreams, and authentic goals. Our personal flexibility increases while our malleability to the whims of others decreases. We experience a heightened sense of autonomy and possibility.

Ordinarily, when we speak of withdrawal, we think of having a substance removed from us. We give up alcohol, drugs, sugar, fats, caffeine, nicotine -- and we suffer a withdrawal. It's useful to view creative withdrawal a little differently. We ourselves are the substance we withdraw to, not from, as we pull our overextended and misplaced creative energy back into our own core."

In the week or so ahead, I encourage you to experiment with alternatives to packaged media, and make your own creative play-dates and projects:

"Spending time in solitude with your artist child is essential to self-nurturing. A long country walk, a solitary expedition to the beach for a sunrise or sunset, a sortie out to a strange church to hear gospel music, to an ethic neighborhood to taste foreign sights and sounds - your artist might enjoy any of these. Or your artist might like bowling." - Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way

Here's my own detox list below. I'm going for a little longer than a week myself - through August 1st - in case someone joins in with us in next few days they can go a full week. Keep creating. So go right ahead with producing a video or writing a blog or playing your guitar, for instance. It's the consumption of outer entertainment and entrainment I'm withdrawing from.

1. TV, radio, newspapers, books, magazines/journals, Internet websites, Internet blogs, movies, video games. (I haven't ever owned a TV set, but satellite TV came with the furnished Mediterranean-style home I'm renting, so watching movies in the evening has become a new habit. I'm big into the forest of symbols, so I've become fascinated with all the synchromystic blogs and that community, however, I fear they have perhaps too much sway over me. Otherwise, this one's a piece of cake. )
2. Tarot and other divination methods, pendulums, horoscopes, astrology charts, medium and psychic readers. (I already gave this one up about a week ago. I'll explain why in separate post - they all get way in the way of your own innate intelligence and spontaneity.)
3. Plays, concerts, shows (except thing like your daughter's recital or your best friend's play opening, etc.) spectator sports events (fine, if you're participating), church, lectures (other than degree-seeking classwork), discussion groups, workshops, conferences. If you already have a paid seminar already committed, then go (or, try the retreat another week, or shift it to start day after the seminar.) (I used to be a seminar/conference junkie, much of my disposable income went to 'education.' This one's been easy for me now as I don't do courses, classes, sermons or lectures. Sometimes I'll go to unconferences or roundtables because of their participatory nature, but nothing planned this week.)
4. Internet discussion forums, social networks such as Twitter, or Facebook. This one has interpersonal aspects to it, so it's your call how much you participate. They often link to outside media, so it gets intermingled. Your call. (This one's tough as there is one forum I rely on lately as it feels like one of few places I belong. It'd be interesting to do without it for a week. I'm waning on my attraction to Twitter anyhow, so that should be easy to do without. I may just check up on a few Twitter friends, using it like IM or text messaging.)
5. Music (optional). (I'm going to try this myself. Especially in regards to recorded music. When I go hiking, I like the natural sounds, and silence. I am going to try to truly listen to music of running water.)
6. Interpersonal communication, including face-to-face, email, IM, phone, text messages (optional). This is if you want to go all out for a silent retreat ala Buckminster Fuller. (I'm not doing this, though I am in a rural, serene borderlands desert and so much silence and solitude is built in. My housemate is quiet too. I've been quite selective with whom I interact with this past month as well. Although, with time freed from external media , I may actually catch up on belated one-on-one emails and send a few postcards.)

p.s. If i don't quite seem myself, I'm not. I'm going through a period of mourning (coincidently, Julia Cameron mentions we'll mourn parts of ourselves we thought we lost during this creative recovery process). I got swept up in other's symbols, creations, myths, gods, and powerful intentions that have ultimately nothing to do with my own essence and alignment - and lost my own spirit and way in the process. I'm also feeling responsible if I have also misguided anyone else in the interim. Again, this will clear and lift as I get back to my inner core.

Comments

[David Burn]

"I got swept up in other's symbols, creations, myths, gods, and powerful intentions that have ultimately nothing to do with my own essence and alignment - and lost my own spirit and way in the process."

I feel this way, mostly about the work I'm doing. But it's bigger than being in the wrong job. By violating basic values to make money, I've lost my way. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself anymore. It ought to frighten me or make me cry, but mostly I feel numb. I know I'm going to snap out of it, but I wonder when and how I will return to myself. My hat's off to you for doing what you need to do. You're an inspiration to me.

[Skeye]

"I got swept up in other's symbols, creations, myths, gods, and powerful intentions that have ultimately nothing to do with my own essence and alignment - and lost my own spirit and way in the process. I'm also feeling responsible if I have also misguided anyone else in the interim. Again, this will clear and lift as I get back to my inner core."

Evelyn, I recognize and appreciate this sense of 'betrayal' and offer these in support of surrendering this as well. :)

First Sri Ramana, for it all comes back to Self and who/what has proven to be the strongest teaching/teacher for 'me' ;^)...

On the aspect of 'doership'(who's responsible?)
http://talks-with-ramana-maharshi.blogspot.com/2007/07/talk-116.html

Secondly, a fine diaolog, in comments as well, from this blog by David Godman on Robert Adams:
http://sri-ramana-maharshi.blogspot.com/2008/06/robert-adams-again.html

And lastly a poem offering:

Liberation: purging of self

Yep...

...Life(GraceDivineEssenceBeingYou) has it's way
of having it's way with you (me-that-thinks-its-'it'). ;^)

Existence~Being~Bliss
that 'EBB' of flow
strips away
that 'day to day'
existence
quicker than
Jenna Jameson
poledancing
that latest craze
of exuberant
lonely housewives
what drives
Us?

What's the Force
that wields
these sabers
of Light
tripping fantastically
tipping fanatically
over the holy cow
would you look at that
not a bird
or a plane
no wings of desire
to take you higher
nor a super man
can take you
where You already
ARE.

That's what
the Beloved does
whether we're
ready or not
here it comes
up from the depths
to rest at Your feet
is all we really want
Beloved
this purging of 'self'
that leaves only You.

So don't wait
forgo the bait
and shoot straight
to the Heart
of the matter
in the midst of chatter
is revealed silent

s t i l l n e s s

Why start
following that cart
of 'goodies'
cause there's
no beginning
no end
only this Friend
that is no 'other'
not yer Mother
not tha Poppa
not even Dennis Hoppa
can breathe in this

~ F R E S H N E S S ~

of a spring rain
that knows no pain
is the reality
of Life
even strife
has it's pleasure
how else could we measure
'good and bad'
if all we had
was suffering?

Yet, this ground
upon which all sound
reverberates
is not something
to own
or can be thrown
away
even as we say
"Buenos dias!"
from all these ideas
comes only ignorance
of the Dance
dance revolution
without evolution
that circles within
every being.

In truth
there is only seeing
no self
to be purged
or urged
into re-action
but this cannot be known
until it IS.

So...ohsaycanyouseebythedawn'searlylight
that there is nothing to fight
with
but 'yourself'
is all that is creating
the war
and that shuts the door
in the face
of compassion
making a fashion
out of fascism
comes the desire
for freedom.

All is serving
and never swerving
from the path
that leads
No(w)here
cannot
be thought
only sought
by that which thinks
and ever blinks
on and off
like the light
at night
before deep
sleep.

Read this again
and again
my friend
until
there is no end
to
Awareness.

[Nadine]

Welcome back, Evelyn. It's good to see *you* again. There is irony in posting a link to another blog. However, others may find the following of interest:

http://www.soulshelter.com/2008/07/20/three-books-on-the-perils-of-the-internet/

Seems there are many on the tune-into-self path of late.

[Evelyn Rodriguez]

Thank you for comments, David, Skeye (welcome to new Face), Nadine.

David, I think your spirit will draw you to what is in alignment with yourself. While you may go to work during daylight hours, I think if you give the other time to your self for your self, you'll be naturally led in a direction that's true for you. The entire allure of money - even to use it for greater good - dropped away for me after the tsunami, I don't even know how/why. It just evaporated. A new question held me, What is deathless?, and that was the only question that mattered to me.

"If you don't know the kind of person I am /
and I don't know the kind of person you are /
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world /
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star." - William Stafford

Thanks Nadine. I'm so glad you're here too. I was just thinking of you the other day and hoping you hadn't dropped off.

Steye & Nadine, Thanks so much for recommendations. I'll check links out after 8/1, as I'm trying to limit outside influences right now. Even one tiny reason is I'm trying to flush out all the symbols, myths out there out of my head to create a fresh, new myth for this particular time.

Steye, Thanks so much for Ramana's wisdom. If all my books weren't in storage - I'd give near everyone of them away as they're mostly speculation and distortions except for the words of Ramana's and Adyashanti's.

Betrayal may be a strong word. I'm as much at 'fault' as my spirit/will can override even strong conditioning/programming etc. (And yes I'll stop beating myself up soon, it's just a great shock.)

More accurately, like I was cast under a spell, similar to Pied Piper of Hamlet used to enchant town children right off the edge of the pier and to their drowning. I snapped out of it just as one foot was dangling over the edge, hanging above the sea. So yes, I'm doing an about face, and turning around from pier's edge since I have no intention of following the wrong god. There are occult forces, and I'll leave it at that, that have turned against the Self/Whole/Godhead if it must be named, as ludicrous a proposition as that may be, their intent has been since beginning of Time since it's their invention, to deny true Self and ensnare many others in their ruse. Knowing what I know now, it's naive to imagine everything within their net/veil is benevolent and for our highest good and highest good of all. That is what I truly thought, but it is not so within Dream #2. Ramana called this 'reality' Dream #2. Yet, I ache for the real reality. At this moment totally through with Dream #1 (sleep) AND Dream #2 (waking) and am homesick. Which I am aware doesn't help but rather adds credence to the illusion, but so it is this moment.

Ramana was one that was liberated even while behind this net/veil - though that is a limited liberation. The consolation is that the veil is about to be dropped very soon even in terms of Time, and truth won't be hidden any longer to anyone - no need to even contemplate, Who Am I?. It shall be self-evident. This is the real meaning of apocalypse, which root means the uncovering, unveiling. I got detoured into the apocalyse = 2012 = ascension popular hoopla. That is nothing of the sort. Apocalyse is much more simple, profound - but this homecoming is being fought tooth and nail by some I simply call the occult forces. I just don't wish to aid them any longer.

[Evelyn Rodriguez]

Ooops sorry I misspelled Skeye. Okay, remember like sky, not stay.

[jammin]

a question for you that may seem quite random, but perhaps if considered in the correct light, quite relevant. do you have/have you ever considered having a child? i ask because for years, over a decade, i centered my life around the self. quests to unleash the substance within, etc, as you speak of in the above post. but having a child unintentionally unleashed channels, exposing my true self to the world, in a way beyond any clarity quest i embarked on in the past. it seems to me, the truest way to expose your spirit raw, is not necessarily to concentrate on it, but to some extent, lose yourself, by living for other people.

perhaps that my seem counter-intuitive. but there is a sense of purpose, meaning, that emerges when you embark on the adventure of creation, rooted in the earth's continuity, that unleashes a creativity beyond quests centered around the self could imagine.

of course, there are infinite ways... just sharing my experience.

[Evelyn Rodriguez]

jammin, Thank you for sharing. Having kids is not for me, I've known that my whole life. Although of late, I have given much thought to writing a storybook for children, and being with kids that are already here. However, had I continued with the direction I had been headed, it would have been darker (subtly) than the Harry Potter series (which is more occult than most people have eyes to see). I wish to give children a story that springs from pure innocence, to connect them back to themselves and their Source.

The trouble with language is that often it has multiple meanings and is highly subjective to the reader/viewer, "creativity...centered around the self" has never been my aim. I serve the Self, the One,
http://www.workingwithoneness.org/article_adyashanti.html

So more accurately that is self with capital, S, if you will. Philosophically, one can say that even the occult serves the One, but is that really one's answer when one spontaneously moves from the Heart within? Not for me. I was unwittingly steering people further into a deep slumbering dream, rather than waking them to their radiant innocence.

[Evelyn Rodriguez]

I should mention the purpose of this post isn't about going anywhere (the quest is more about quest-ioning) because your spirit is already here now (no finding it, nor evolving it), rather it's more about turning off the obstacles that obscure you from seeing it so plain and obvious. Your true self, and acting from that Source - it's all right there when you don't turn away, run away to the 5 o'clock news, the paperback novel, Facebook, the front page of NY Times, the brand-new blockbuster hit movie etcetera.

[xausus]

I was just Googling something, and I stumbled upon this post. Then, reading into its depth, I almost forgot what brought me here. It was your earlier post from Jan 06, 2005, "The Paradox of Faith and the Pursuit of Dreams." (I am lifting your Stockdale quote). The more I look at paradoxes the more I come to the ineffable, and vice versa.

As much as introspection helps to bring about a sense of clarity, it inevitably leads to vagueness in itself. When you say "get back to [my] inner core," do you not mean a harmony between internal and external poles? It is almost unavoidable to seek out pleasure and interaction in the world. The latest neuroscience is demonstrating a strong correlation between happiness and intercommunication in the fullest. Our most profound experiences are largely inexplicable in writing anyway. We feel the greatest sensations when our emotions our felt in the presence of other people. And according to this science, these vibes actually implant electrodes in our brains to give us pleasure. This gets lost when we're only exposed to virtual communication.

The main point here: moderation is key, as is often said. Otherwise, overall I think your artistic experiment is a good treatment for those overly engrossed in materialism.

[xausus]

after re-reading, some ideas stuck in my head:

I do like the phrase "media detox". It clashes with the "art for art's sake" stereotype and brings art into objective light. Art ultimately becomes more seeking of a purpose, if just to make things more detailed and interesting. But a 'why?' is still lingering. Maybe because things have become dull and uninteresting - that is just a symptom though. I believe I know the answer, as it relates to both art, science, and religion...Truth is more important than our freedoms. Indeed, the truth sets us free. So this is why we might see all areas of life converge toward one goal.

This does put a strain on the arts, and makes it feel like a detox is needed. It also brings connotations to postmodernist thinking, renaissance ideals, and spiritual philosophy, among other things. It's exactly why we see a sarcastic tone when things get deviated from Truth. This makes perfect sense because only One is completely serious in the end. Our endeavors should strive to bring our ignorance to terms with our unwavering principles (of our faith). Or else, our time is just spent joking around and having fun.

[xausus]

One last thing, then I'll leave your comments section alone.

I know this is tangential to the topic. But like what I was saying about "moderation is key"...I think this is true in the sense that we should have priorities based on Truth. Thus, we get our progressive theme in society. It also requires more responsibility with how we handle our power/knowledge. In this respect, I think a media detox is a noble advance. I tend to get too focused at times, being more oriented toward science from my perspective. So when I need to 'redux' information I use media spin to help for instances.

[Ben]

This is such a wonderful post and just what I needed when I needed it. I love when that happens and it happens quite a lot.

After many years in corporate life working exclusively for Fortune 500 companies, I am finally ready to take what I have learned and what I have created for a deeper more meaningful and enthusiastic work.

Our company was bought out in June, and we are facing layoffs as our project nears its end. I am saying "give me the package." Debt Free, unencumbered, and ready to pitch in. There is just one problem. What to do next?

Just a weeee bit of a question. So, a Clarity Quest would be perfect, and then a project aligned with what comes from the "Quest".

In my mind, I never really know, and somehow , the universe grabs me by the seat of the pants and drops me right where I need to be.

This time it is going to be more real, true, authentic and giving. How do I know? Because that is where I am at.

Great Post! Great Help from the post and the comments! Such beautiful pictures too!

Bowing Deeply!
Ben

[Nick]

I found your blog several months ago and since have returned now and again to see your latest musings. I was suprised and delighted to read about your media fast, in that my own process to listen to my own small still voice/core seems to be helped when I don't pollute my consciouness and subconsciousnes with distorted models of reality. That was on my mind when I checked out your July post.

Because I am only now awakening I find myself looking around asking myself trying to re-engineer my life without having the whole thing fall apart. It's kinda like saying "yeah I have been running on petrochemicals for 30ish years but tomorrow I'm going solar." Ja - not so fast nor so easy.

Well that's it for me. Thanks for the gift that is your Blog.

Namaste