I awoke at precisely 4:11 a.m this morning from a nightmare.
All I remember now hours later was there was a beast in it. And I was none too sure the beast was my ally. Though knowing all too well of Jungian shadow work, I'm pretty sure the Beast represents beloved, though shoved away into a deep dark corner, aspects of my own self.
Being an outlier in the New Age community (I'm a skeptic; while I'm open to new information, ultimately rely on my own direct experience and knowing which places me at odds with said 'community' much of time), I'd heard of the Fire The Grid global meditation scheduled for 11:11 a.m. Greenwich time, July 17, 2007.
Which would be exactly 4:11 a.m. Pacific time for me.
I had vacillated whether I was going to participate or not. My own gut instincts told me that this particular channeller's message wasn't resonating for me; although the personal story of her son's recovery from a near-fatal accident emphatically did. That story rang truer than many things I've read in ages.
The rest of the site, I picked up sensations of fear and worry from the material which I don't share about the fate of the planet. The visions I have sensed of the future are so startingly palpably real and beatific they're so much harder to swallow (you ought not because I say so; inquire for yourself) than scenes and memes of doomsday and annihilation we're accustomed to.
Also I didn't sense that anything of significance galactically was happening on July 17th. (July 8th, however, was a different story.)
As the weeks went by, the Fire the Grid meme spread like wildfire. (Someone was doing their marketing homework.) The more websites that referenced Fire The Grid, and the more email I got from newsletters I'm subscribed to and from well-intentioned individuals endorsing the global meditation, the more and more I began to doubt my own (conflicting) instinct.
Who am I to know for myself, eh? Memes know better, right? Memes are gospel, silly. (Have you ever noticed meme screams me, me?)
So last night I was still vacillating whether I would participate at 4:11 a.m. Although weeks earlier I'd been certain I was not. My own personal decision. I wasn't going to tell anyone else whether they ought to or not.
Finally, around midnight, I decided that I was not going to do it, although, this nagging doubt accompanied me to my slumber. As usual, I prayed to my higher self to show me what I didn't know I didn't know as I lay down.
In the move to San Francisco, I ended up giving a lot of philosophy, spiritual and business books away. I realized I am never going to crack many of them open. I want to rely more and more on my own innate instincts, intelligence, power and love to guide.
I'm not sure when we became a self-help society, but the signs are everywhere that this is so. It's intricately tied up with celebrity and expert worship too. Constantly continuously giving our own power away.
There's a part of me feels like maybe the best thing I can do is close the curtain on this blog and simply remind you that you have access to everything you ever need to know
...in the moment you need to know it. Trust your holy self.
That said, there are reasons to share. There are reasons to read. Sometimes it's all a game we're playing in a house of mirrors.
Once I sent the beginning of a poem I was writing to a friend. This is how it started, and then I got snagged not knowing what was next:
if said angel wandered the earth
she gallavanting mistletoe in a sphere of lapis
There was a little more in the email about nebulas and nurseries where stars are born, and he writes back (and this is someone that has had more than his fair share of beastly experiences):
I've found the worst turns to the best because contrast is all really see
live it be humble enough to see it and then tell it in your own words........
glory be to the one ones who know that every footfall is their own
Those words sum up the motivation I have to continue to write - and share. Tell it in your own words: poetry - not gospel.
And so when another friend texting with me this morning says: i love my nightmares... Wonder what it b like 2 make love 2 ur beast?
I understood. And I understood why I rolled over in the crisp covers, and simply went back to sleep at 4:11 a.m.
"[W]e feel the key is not in group meditations, but rather in an ongoing practice. The Law of One philosophy only ever gave two techniques that create an ‘exponential increase’ in your spiritual growth in a short time:
- Seek the love in this moment.
- Reflect on issues from your past that inform this moment.
Each additional seeking of love in the moment creates an exponential increase. Each additional issue from your past you can bring up and examine for its relevance to this moment creates an exponential increase.
The world is healed by our own diligent effort in healing ourselves, day by day, consistently. - "Should I Meditate on July 17th?", David Wilcock, Divine Cosmos blog
images Fallen Angel, by Olivia de Berardinis (hmmm, embracing our fallen angel self is making love to the beast, perhaps); Girl Before a Mirror, by Pablo Picasso
"Tell it in your own words: poetry - not gospel."
Oh.. and I can tell you, you do that so well. We're all the richer for that Evelyn. Oodles of gratitude.
Posted by: Nick Smith | Jul 17, 2007 at 03:16 PM
hmm, the beast. i was discussing the nightmare i had before i got married...of meeting the devil and being terrified. now i know that i had met a deep forbidden part of myself. but wow, years of religious upbringing take some time to work out of the system.
again, i must be riding in a car on the same train as you :) wouldn't that be nice.
Posted by: eve | Jul 17, 2007 at 08:03 PM
I had a similar nightmare about six months ago involving my shadow anima. She was a prostitute with worms crawing around under her skin. She gave me a blow job. Today I drew the Sun card in regards to this subject. I now am a participant in healings.
Posted by: mystic7 | Jul 18, 2007 at 08:37 AM
Thank you for the kind words, Nick. I mean we have enough people out there telling us how to think and be.
Eve, Yep. I don't even "have" dreams (that I remember anyhow); so two days in a row seemed significant. (The previous day was more vivid, I remember it well and it was beautiful.) I think we ARE on the same train. If an artist would to do a rendition of the beast, it'd feel demonic.
I didn't lay it out in so many words, but my beast has to do with power, and assuming that others know better than I my own path. Giving away my authority, sovereignty. Time to step up to my authority: I am the author of my life. The universe is the book. My instincts are my map. Trust MY instincts, no matter if everyone else is heading off a cliff and dragging me while chanting that's the one true Way.
Mystic, Remember a long while ago I said this blog would not be for muggles? Your comment just doesn't ring true. Especially last sentence. When have you NOT been a participant? Also it's also projecting when one minute I'm the Goddess/heroine and another time, I'm the wicked Witch/villian. As Ramana Maharsi said, "There are no others."
You cannot possess the anima. You realize you are every character in the dream (or in your case, your imaginal creation - which is same difference.)
The beast was some sort of 'entity' now that I think about it in a Carlos Castenada way: an Ally that challenges you to grow. It has no gender. Or perhaps my beast was feminine. Doesn't really matter whatsoever. All I remember is it was terrifying. There was no sexuality in the dream itself. The metaphor of making love is that it's the opposite of running away as fast as your legs can take you. Confront your fears face on.
Wouldn't be a bad idea to get outside in the sun more. Create, that's the anima speaking, create - don't putrify and rot in stagnation.
Posted by: Evelyn Rodriguez | Jul 18, 2007 at 12:14 PM
I think if the beast was to appear in another dream again, this time we'd be on same team.
Perhaps we'd be handing out free T-shirts. Ever seen the ones that go: "You're not the boss of me." These would read: "You're not the Messiah of me."
Posted by: Evelyn Rodriguez | Jul 18, 2007 at 12:33 PM
Muggles? LOL. If only you knew. The anima may speak creation but the SHADOW anima is just the opposite. Here's what I suggest you do: transform the beast and merge with him.
Posted by: mystic7 | Jul 18, 2007 at 12:52 PM
Mystic, Merging's an illusion. Already AM every character in every dream in every universe, including this Dream, dreamer.
I Am.
Posted by: Evelyn Rodriguez | Jul 18, 2007 at 01:12 PM
Wow. That's pretty good, Evelyn. No just kidding. If you see the Buddha on the road I suggest you kill him.
Posted by: mystic7 | Jul 18, 2007 at 04:37 PM
I meet the Buddha in the road all the time. The man in the wheelchair in Tenderloin talking to the crackhead. Both Buddhas. The teenager stepping out just now from Abercombie & Fitch, a living breathing Buddha. The road and the daffodils trimming is Buddha. Maybe time to shrug off killing, and just bless everything as it is. Even Buddhas confused about their identity doesn't change it.
Posted by: Evelyn Rodriguez | Jul 18, 2007 at 06:50 PM
Sure you did. I hate to tell you sweet heart absolute being can not be evidenced. Only Ego. Especially in you case these days. If you keep talking like this I'm afraid you might come around asking us to drink some of your kool aid. Shucks, I thought I was the solipsist in the universe.
Posted by: mystic7 | Jul 18, 2007 at 07:50 PM
I don't separate the ego from "All That Is": that's a very old enduring story of duality. Previous was MY actual experience this specific afternoon written from my mobile: meeting buddhas and witnessing blessings in Nob Hill, in Tenderloin, at Westfield Mall...
Your mileage may vary. No one can make you drink the Kool-Aid.
I've noted this discourse is getting very very very far removed from poetry. Sounding too much of philosophy and spirituality books I tossed.
What was the name of that red flower between the honeysuckles and angel trumpets I walked by fifteen minutes ago is what I want to know.
Posted by: Evelyn Rodriguez | Jul 18, 2007 at 10:51 PM
Hey mystic7, what's with you?
You're offered the hand of friendship and truth here, but you want to play your sad and lonely little games instead! Can't you see it's only yourself you're screwing with.. and it's your own Love you turn your back on?
Go easy my friend and Godspeed.
Posted by: Nick Smith | Jul 19, 2007 at 03:54 AM
11.11h in London is 3.11h in SF.
Posted by: The Laker | Jul 19, 2007 at 06:46 AM
Off topic maybe. But think you might be interested.
http://www.dhyanalinga.org/theerthakund_qa.htm
This recommendation is based on me following you(eve11) on twitter.
Posted by: Balaji Sowmyanarayanan | Aug 16, 2007 at 11:33 PM