Subscribe via Email

Now Reading

Technorati Profile

« yet another way to Demo, to Launch, to Lunch, to Flock, to Frolic | Main | recent reader exchange on art, meaning, compromising, love, money, what i stand for »

Feb 01, 2007



"My path is a never-ending game of exposing the dark to the light of Awareness - and not shrieking in horror, not resisting release."

When you live from this vantage point, it means acknowledging the fictions at both the "light" end and the "dark end" of the spectrum. As Nick Smith at Life 2.0 said to me in a recent comment, Self is the "stepping back," which is about full seeing while staying present. And I also think of Annie Dillard, famous for her statement that we must learn to "ride the monsters all the way down," (sorry don't have the link), if in fact we want to really be ourSelves. The notion that growth comes from discomfort and discourse, externalized in film and in conversation with other people is one thing. But what's truly inescapable is the incommunicable inner discomfort and tension that we must learn to hold, the tensions of discourse with a fictional self, and the growing willingness and inner necessity to explore all the frost in the shadows -- that's the ticket. And, of course, gradually there's an emerging awareness that what's there, however momentarily frightening is exactly the lodestone we were meant to come into contact with. What do the Zen masters call it? Jumping right down the tiger's mouth, I think, the whole "secret" being the willingness to go to exactly the place that is "to be avoided at all costs." After a few trips to that dark place, energy changes. I suppose it could be an addiction, hunting down the haunted parts of the self, but if you don't get sidetracked by the sheer fascination of it, and let the flames subside a bit, there's always something, some return that cuts all the way through, and we see that there aren't easy distinctions between what is "conscious" and "unconscious." We begin to "get it," simply because we are learning to trust a truer notion of depth. And I guess what I want to say about that, at least for myself, is that it's a source of incredible freedom.


From Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil:

Whatever is done from love always occurs beyond good and evil.

Evelyn Rodriguez

Hi Mike, Thank you thank you thank you. My next post is on love. People ask me to take sides all the time, what do I think about what corporations are doing, what do I think about capital punishment. This love that I cannot control knows no way to withhold love from either side.

Hi Dan, I guess I'm aware that dark and light, good and evil are fictions. Mostly feeling the sensation of resisting some portion of experience of what is happening. BUT in the midst of emotions, it might be trickier and appear quite real. I was feeling what seemed like REAL fear yesterday, and "I should know better."

What I meant by 'dark' is that which has been surpressed, been unmet, kept hidden and tucked away, kept unconscious, unrecognized, unloved, unwanted.

As I wrote in a recent post:

This birth, this soul, is dedicated to gathering in my arms and celebrating each and every seemingly fragmented broken scattered speck of stardust:

"We cannot storm the gates of heaven. Instead we must allow ourselves to become more and more disarmed. Then the pure consciousness of being becomes brighter and brighter, and we realize who we are. This brightness is what we are.

When it gets very bright, we see that we are this brightness, this radiance, and then we start to realize from our own experience what this human birth is all about. This brightness comes back for all itself, for every bit of confusion, for every bit of its suffering. Everything that the me tried to get away from, the sacred Self will come back for. This bright Self starts to discover its true nature and wants to liberate all of itself, to enjoy itself, and to truly love itself in all of its flavors. The truly sacred is the love of what is, not a love of what could be. This love liberates what is.

The true heart of all human beings is the lover of what is. That's why we cannot escape any part of ourselves. This is not because we are a disaster, but because we are conscious and we are coming back for all of ourselves in this birth. No matter how confused we are, we will come back for every part of ourselves that has been left out of the game. This is the birth of real compassion and love. For too long it has been said by spiritual traditions that you have to slay so much to get to love. But that is a myth. The truth is that it is love that really liberates." - Adyashanti, from "Emptiness Dancing"

Evelyn Rodriguez

Hmmm, re-read Dan's comment: 'and we see that there aren't easy distinctions between what is "conscious" and "unconscious."'

There is a lot of truth there. Feeling my way there, though, I can tell difference between a peace that surpasses all understanding and feeling inexplicably shitty. It's not about what's going on externally, but internally.

That's the game: I entertain the possibility that when I'm feeling off or contracted or fearful or whatever that I might want to relax into it and be curious about what is going on rather than dig my heels further.

Franklin Mint Julip

What do you say to those who label you arrogant?

I believe we have found the male video equivalent of Crossroads Dispatches: "the rest are fatty oils."

Click the link ;-)

"When I create my opus.... "

It sounds vaguely familiar!

Evelyn Rodriguez

Hmmm, I say, "You spot it you got it."


Well, the video's fabulous, and after that, anything else in this thread is likely to sound just a tad pompous...

I would say there is a "practice" of noticing our fears, jealousies, regrets, angers, shitty feelings of all kinds, etc, and of stepping back as witness. That always has seemed to me to open the possibility of creating a connection to peace -- but it might require holding those negative feelings in our arms for awhile, staying uncomfortable long enough for the door -- and the insights -- to open, for transformational stuff to occur. In this way, things "dissolve."

"If a grain of salt would like to measure the degree of saltiness of the ociean, to have a perception of the saltiness of the ocean, it drops itself into the ocean and becomes one with it, and the perception is perfect."
-- Thich Nhat Hanh

One of the things I like best about reading your work, Evelyn, is that it seems each new posting is precisely this grain of salt (you) dropping itself into the ocean (of your actual experiences). E.g., your latest post in which you don't shy away from "aggressive questions" and critical feedback. You jump in, put it out there, model the melting into the waters that surround you -- and us. To me that's a kind of "practice," and maybe exemplies what Thich Nhat Hanh meant by "peace is every step."


I hope, it's OK


Take care,

The comments to this entry are closed.

My Photo

February 2014

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28  
Blog powered by Typepad