What Are You Earnest About?

What are you passionate, zealous, vigorously resolute (resolute = resolutions) about?

What are you earnest about? (Not so much what you ought to be earnest about, what what are you earnest about now?)

"That which you are most earnest about orchestrates your whole life - inner and outer." - Adyashanti in satsang, November 14, '06

I committed myself - hmmm, that begins awkwardly like the way one is committed to a mental asylum...

I committed myself to run the 100th Boston Marathon in 1996. That doesn't seem like such a big deal, but one doesn't just waltz up and send an application in for Boston.

You must qualify to participate in the Boston Marathon. Qualification for my age bracket at the time meant I needed to run a 3:40 marathon the previous year. That means run 26.2 miles in an official marathon in under three hours and forty minutes. Still no biggie, right?

Perhaps I neglected to mention when I said that I was Ugly Betty, that hanging out at the library (or my room) reading Austen and Salinger correlated precisely with being the last (perhaps second to last, Jimmy Knickerbocker was usually last) person to be chosen for the softball team. P.E. was decidely not for me. At age 14, I thought that bermuda grass edging the asphalt could have been my last dying vision when I had to run manage to go the three laps around the track (yeah, that's less than one mile).

To make a very long story short, I did finish the St. George Marathon in 1994 with a qualifying time of 3:28 (and was euphoric crossing the finish line...this is when you picture Rocky heading up the Philadelphia Museum of Art steps and you start humming the theme song). I went on to run the 99th and 100th Boston, plus many other marathons and quite a few rugged trail ultra-marathons (including a few 50-milers in Texas and California and a gorgeous 41-miler on the wild and scenic Kepler Track in New Zealand).

My running group, the Locomotion Running Club, witnessed the transformation of a mediocre jogger into a Boston qualifier then an ultramarathoner in the space of roughly a little over two years. So they'd ask me once to speak to an audience of newbies before a marathon as if I knew anything really.

You see, I figured if I (aka the-person-least-likely-to-be-or-care-about-being-athletic) could do it, anyone could do it.

The only 'secret' I had was that I knew I wanted it, and I really wanted it. And then I followed the thread until I did it.

"Regardless of the name of this Great Power, or the conscious admission of a God, the Power is capable and willing to carry out to a complete and perfect conclusion every earnest desire of your objective mind, but you must be really in earnest about what you want." - R.H. Jarrett, It Works

My issue is I don't always have that same conviction, that same earnestedness, the same dogged clarity, as I did back when I first said Yes to running the Boston Marathon. I have definitely had that steady earnestness come up in a few scenarios from snagging a CTO spot at a venture-funded startup to what is classically termed 'awakening' (which is contrary to popular opinion only the beginning, not the end of the path). At other times, I drift in not being sure what it is I want or second-guessing that which I clearly do.

"Your objective mind and will are so vacillating that you usually only WISH for things and the wonderful, capable power within you does not function." - R.H. Jarrett, It Works

This year I'm committed to following my heart - wherever it leads me.

I'll say Yes to that which I  feel wholeheartedly committed to, No to everything else, and eliminate Maybe from my vocabulary. (To me, Maybe is vacillating.)

Last night I wrote out four pages in my journal totalling ten conditions or things that I do want in earnest written in vivid detail. 

My list ranges from the fruition of the teahouse to having a personal chef to a new place to live (moving north, either to Palo Alto or the city) to "living completely spontaneously" to the establishment of a social finance REIT that invests in community spaces to collaborating with filmmakers and musicians to being in relationship with a muse-collaborator-playmate-lover partner.

What's your earnest list?

p.s. The etymology of the word earnest:

O.E. eornoste (adj.) from a noun eornost "passion, zeal" (surviving only in the phrase in earnest), from P.Gmc. *ern "vigor, briskness" (cf. O.H.G. arnustarniba "struggle," Goth.  "safely," O.N. jarna "fight, combat") The proper name Ernest (lit. "resolute") is from the same root.

images wild horse running in Desert Run by Robert Dawson; Rangers by Wendy Caro

Comments

[Loofa]

I'm curious about the details of your earnest list, as well as your answers to the question in the previous post.

Isn't drifting/vacillating part of discovering (and becoming comfortable with) where your heart is leading you?

[Dan]

Evelyn

Is there anyone quite as honest as you on the web? When you write these things about the importance of being earnest, you are wholly there. And in that you touch something so imperative that any of the rest of us know we have to touch it, too. You write as a sincere person, cutting along the edges of old lives in a way most of us would shrink from, and are therefore "inspiring," a term that my Mac "Dashboard" defines as: "filling someone with the desire to do something creative." What a magical gift that is. What am I earnest about? Supporting those who give us a better world just by being. There you are.

[Evelyn Rodriguez]

Loofa, tres cute - a fool backwards - I kind of wish I could take a do-over on this post. There's a lot I'd add and some I'd say differently.

I've had a few questions on this post. I'm surprised MORE people didn't notice the discrepancy between "Living completely spontaneously" and having a list!!

I think I'll address questions and what I wish I'd said in 1 or 2 upcoming posts. Summary, there are three points that maybe didn't come out:

1) I think it's okay to allow ourselves to want what we want -- and not want what we don't want. Too often resolutions, goals, etc are 'oughts' rather than where our desires, energy, attention, care and concern is actually being directed. I know I felt a bit guilty and weird in 2005 spending the entire year focused on enlightenment, but nothing else truly mattered - not dating, not work, nada, zilch. But I felt I 'should' make progress in those other areas. It took me until October 2005 to admit nothing else mattered to me, and it freed me up tremendously.

2) Maybe drifting wasn't the right word. Often I feel I am at the edge of a large, tranquil and beautiful lake. I hesitate. And hesitate. Maybe dip a toe in. Maybe. So less drifting, it's more like waiting. (Waiting for what? Courage? Dunno.) This is more after the discovery phase, more in the heart of hearts knowing what I want, but I'm at a standstill wondering who the heck signed on to this adventure anyhow.

I can swat moments of pure raw Calling and AHA! away like annoying flies. "That can't be for me!" "That is totally absurd." "I've never done THAT!" One day, maybe it's two years, maybe it's two lifetimes, you dive. You just dive. The list is what I'm finally diving into. The old fool, if you remember that post about two weeks ago, commits.

3)I need to be careful what I expect for. I usually limit myself, and that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. For instance, one list item I added was #11 and it had to do with this blog being well-read and well-received and an inspiration to everyone that reads it to flower into their fullness. I used to think that because it wasn't mainstream, because it was too 'counter' (counter you name it), thus it'd never be too popular.

Why not? Time to quit expecting that.

Anyhow, I'll be writing more...

[Evelyn Rodriguez]

Dan, Thank you. Well I think there are. I don't spill the beans on everything.

I just finished writing a 'private' note to Loofa about his soup kitchen gal (see blog) and told him the story of my Manhattan patisserie guy. Maybe I'll tell you all someday too.

But this is the part of the private note I did write to Loofa that is shareable:

I replied with this comment below on the blog (see end). But I also wanted to write privately. I am not sure what your 'path' is, but maybe because the Tarot card of the Fool, it is slightly Kabbalistic? I guess (?) ultimately it is about following your heart.

The post "What are you earnest about" is about TRUSTING your heart. Saying yes. I don't think I did a wonderful job of it, whipped it out too fast, and lots more excuses.

Godknows why, I just follow threads of inspiration, but gearing up for an Epiphany Tea I'm hosting Sat, I've been reading up on the Magi. And anyhow it's relevant to me because that path of the magi resonates with me, the shaman-in-civilization, etc.

And lo and behold it leads me into areas of the 'art' of oneiromancy. And if you go around googling enough and reading enough books (last night it was Walkers Between the Worlds: The Western Mysteries from Shaman to Magus) you learn that in medieval times people were literally afraid to go to to sleep. It was perilous. Egads, you might see visions. And then what would you do with that information? It might rearrange your life. Didn't Joan of Arc have visions? And what, praytell, what became of her?
Jonah (of the biblical whale fame) is another example. The vision (the god speaking thing isn't that literal!) was clear to go to Ninevah, but it conflicted deeply with his old agenda. (Nineveh were enemies, rivals, yada yada.) So he ran the other way and booked passage on a ship going the opposite way.

I don't understate how much I am capable of blocking my heart's desires. So drifting/vacillating wasn't right words. It's more like denying. Blocking. Hesitating....yet you know that you know. You reallllllllly know.

Most of oneiromancy really isn't about sleeping dreams. It's the waking ones...they slip in more mysteriously, more richly, and there is an undeniable quality to them that I haven't been able to shake off as much as I try. The list is simply that which I finally surrender to. So, Yes. I'm out of denial. Yes, yes, YES!

I don't want to live my life with the brakes on anymore.

[Loofa]

I understand. It's about surrendering ourselves to what we already know instead of allowing ourselves to be open to doubts and to other 'options'. I do remember that post about the old fool. The old fool commits to the next step without allowing fear or the existence of other possible steps to sway him. Sometimes being too open can get in the way of actually doing any of the things that we truly want.

By the way, I read the rest of these comments and it's the symbolism that I like about the Tarot card of The Fool; and you're right, it's mostly about following my heart. I haven't received the message that you referred to in these comments. Maybe it got lost on its way, but I would love to see what you've written.

[Evelyn Rodriguez]

Loofa, whoa, almost wrote loofah there, is your email a hotmail account? That's were I sent my thus-far-private tale of love at first sight, hesitated. So if that's not you someone is else is enjoying it, I hope ;-)

Anyhow, I forgot until you wrote that commitment isn't just difficult because of doubt, it's that lovely tempting world of options. Yes.

Perpetual dilettante I am (I'm Gemini if gives any credence to the gravity of the situation) would love to simply live in the ether and clouds and transcendence of the wide open fields and meadows of possibility. But something else is coming through that wants to plant a seed, see it grow into a tree, (the tree of life?), see the fruit turn golden and ripen, share juicy slices at harvest with all that pass by the table.

I'm writing poetically, but I maybe more precisely for me is that this 'visitation' (that's what a friend called her calling to open a knitting store, and she didn't knit) has been knocking for near two years now. So number one on my Earnest list was the teahouse. For me, it's enough to say the teahouse and all else that conjures and has been fleshing out for those two years comes reeling in with it.

This commitment means other things will never manifest in form. But I also see that just because all the other seeds I see in my mind's eye won't be planted - by me anyhow, it doesn't mean I should let the fertile field lay fallow either.

There is a season for planting, and that time's come -- for me.

Everyone has an instrument to sing in this symphony, and I feel ready to dust mine off and play.

I recently had a Tarot reading, and I didn't usually do this sort of thing. It says a lot about my path: Past - The Hermit, Present - The World, Future - The Hanged Man.

[Loofa]

It is a hotmail account, [email protected], but the message appears to have been rejected even from my junk mail box (unless someone else received it, in which case I hope it is forwarded along to me).

You said that you wrote in reference to an entry of mine, and I thought it was odd that you picked up on that particular entry because the situation was somewhat resolved today.

From what you've written here, I gather that, even if you must give up certain routes in order to commit to certain ones, you mean to inspire creativity in others and perhaps they'll travel those routes instead. I'm sure you already do inspire others. It's true that we influence others whether we try to or not. So if you have such great inspiration within you, why not let it out in order to influence others.

I've never had a Tarot reading, unless a self-inflicted one counts, but yours is an interesting one. Or maybe foreboding, depending on your interpretation of The Hanged Man. I thought this quote from wikipedia was intriguing: "The Hanged Man is every hero committed enough to the adventure to die for it."

[arkieology]

The Jonah story is unique in two ways, the running away and then the success. He ran because he didn't want God to redeem the Ninnevites and he became very angry when the Ninnevites accepted all he said and repented. Jesus said there would be no more signs but the sign of Jonah. Jonah is the dove, the symbol of the holy spirit, the connection between us and he/she.