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« A Metaphor is Worth a Thousand Pictures | Main | The Great Mother »

May 04, 2006


Evelyn Rodriguez

More than one close friend has called me on this post.(I may do a post update later, but I'm on my way out the door.) For instance,

“He looked crestfallen when I said I don't really have the capacity to be carried away by sexual fantasies anymore.”

"I don’t believe you."

Yeah. I lied. Or partially lied. Still it's different than ever ever before. I've already been carried away, totally carried away and yet still so here, so right here it's ahhhh (words!! what words do I use!) exquisite.

This morning I gave myself permission to have fantasies (uh, I was a tad guilty about it, you know the old enlightened saint/sage archetype). I wrote in journal: "It's okay to have fantasies as long as I see through them as with all other fantasy. Why judge one harsher than all the rest of ephemera?" And a weight literally lifted.

Then to my other friend, the crestfallen one, I explained: "A filmmaker or novelist tries for the effect of having you suspend disbelief. I've always been one to literally BE right there in the movie. I avoided horror movies because that monster was literally chasing me! I could be so engaged that I entirely lost awareness that I was in an audience watching a film being projected. Now I can totally enjoy a fantasy - we're talking beyond simply sexual - but I am fully aware of the insubstantiality of its reality simultaneously. That doesn't diminish the enjoyment of the movie for me; I'm conscious it's a movie, feel more peaceful watching it, and strangely enough I love it all the more.


Hmmm...I don't know if it's equal pleasure so much as it's equivalent. Tapping into the great Whatever is pretty great no matter where it happens. One reason I suspect (crazy) actors go out with other (crazy) actors is b/c at least we all understand that touching the hand of the Infinite happens at least as powerfully in moments of flow onstage as it does during sex.

I like your thought that with enlightenment comes the *freedom* from fantasy, and the horror movie analogy. Again, with enough (good, responsible) acting training, you can be fully involved in the fantasy of the created moment and yet fully aware that you are actually an actor playing a part onstage. It's a difficult thing to explain to someone who's never felt it.

Again, hmmm...maybe more people seeking enlightment should really be taking acting classes!

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