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Nov 22, 2005


Jory Des Jardins

Evelyn, I might have been one of those people who assumed "parents", with an "s". I found your story of healing so inspiring, especially now. Thank you for sharing a model for healing and a piece of yourself. Ironically, giving ourselves away makes us feel more whole.


How strange that we only recognize what's been given us after its gone.

My brother-in-law led a very challenged life. He was often depressed and struggled with spiritual issues every day. He often asked me for spiritual advice, which I did my best to provide. One day I confided in him that I was depressed and often felt lost. He though for several minutes. After that long silence he advised me to pray every day first thing in the morning.

That prayer has become my anchor. My brother in law's funeral was full of people whose lives he had touched-people we didn't even know he'd ever talked to. It turned out that the spiritual seeker was a spiritual adviser to dozens of people. We miss him.


Beautiful post, Evelyn. Reading it, I began to realize that some of what I've been feeling the past few weeks--a sort of vague depression--has possibly been a touch of grief. Unlike you and Jory, my father is still living. I suppose what I'm grieving is that at 50 it's finally really sinking in that I will never feel loved by him...and so must let go of that NEED. What I'm grieving, I think, is not the love itself...but letting go of the need for it. I have no choice though if I want to move forward, since his lack of approval and attention has been such a source of shame for me that it's paralyzed me in many ways...feeling shame as if somehow it's been MY failing and not his. We find our truth where we're meant to find it...thank you for giving me a moment of it here.

Evelyn Rodriguez

Jory, Yes.
Tony, I'm reading Rilke's Book of Hours (new translation by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy):
"(To that younger brother)
Now pray,
as I who came back from the same confusion
learned to pray."
Most of my epiphanies come from ordinary times and ordinary people. One day we're wise and in tune with universe. And other days it's their turn and they buoy us. Thanks so much for sharing.

Marilyn, Loss is loss is loss. It can be as abstract as loss of dreams even when we get to mid-life. And sometimes someone being alive and lost to us is even more poignant in sorrow. I recommend Alexandra's website too - there's a part in there about daily loss. I find somehow in the next two weeks I need to write my notes from Kennedy's workshop and share them.

p.s. there's many layers to this post, and abba too



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