The Truth Can Never Harm, I Shall Write, Said Gandhi

A friend works with publishers tells me publishers desire that that the author is someone readers can look up to - thus there are only so many foibles and weaknesses that can be revealed, I reckon.

"I was worried about you," confided a blogging buddy recently. Huh, what is he talking about? Ah, perhaps I am coming across a bit too confused, lost, and distraught. Readers, I've let you peek into the inner workings of the Ego for a purpose. So I wondered aloud and I wondered silently if I should hold back. If I'm doing more harm than good.

But all the signs say that I am on the path with heart. Last Wednesday, I hear Dwarko Sundrani, a direct disciple and follower of Gandhi, speak. (I've also heard him speak before.)

He tells us that Gandhi was influenced by the great novelist Leonard Tolstoy. After two pages Tolstoy abandoned his autobiography. Tolstoy began to question the wisdom of even writing it believing it would be a huge disservice to society. Folks would ponder, If such a great man as Tolstoy had this many weaknesses, then what of us?

Dwarko-ji continued. There was a time Gandhi believed that Brahma was Truth (Brahma translates to God, which as far as I'm concerned is not the Godhead, atman). In his last days he changed his thinking Dwarko-ji said. Gandhi now declared: Truth is God. And he realized the whole of his life had been an experiment with Truth. Gandhi finally decided:

Truth can never harm, I shall write.

And Gandhi commenced his authentic weaknesses-and-all but obviously publishable autobiography titled, My Experiments With Truth.

The very next day after this talk, I eat lunch at Chipotle. I am heading out the door as a college-aged woman is walking in the door. She has three or four books tucked under her arm. My eyes rivet on the spine of one - and it's not the one on the very top. Nestled within the other imperceivable titles clearly jumps out Gandhi's autobiography.

From Chipotle, I walk into the Borders bookstore next door. (I use bookstores like libraries, btw.) I am intrigued of late by open-heartedness, or bodhichitta. I seek out more of Pema Chodron's work. When I pick up the book, the page falls to this:

When I was a child, I had a picture book called Lives of the Saints. It was filled with stories of men and women who had never had an angry or mean thought and had never hurt a fly. I found the book totally useless as a guide for how we humans were supposed to live a good life. For me, The Life of Milarepa is a lot more instructive. Over the years, as I read and reread Milarepa's story, I find myself getting advice for when I am stuck and can't seem to move forward. To begin with, Milarepa was a murderer, and like most of us when we blow it, he wanted to atone for his errors. And like most of us, in the process of seeking liberation, he frequently fell flat on his face. He lied and stole to get what he wanted, he got so depressed he was suicidal, and he experienced nostalgia for the good old days. Like most of us, he had one person in his life who continually tested him and blew his saintly cover. Even when almost everyone regarded him as one of Tibet's most holy men, his vindictive old aunt continued to beat him with sticks and call him names, and he continued to have to figure out what to do with that kind of humiliating squeeze. [Chodron says the "squeeze" is the between a rock and a hard "place where we look for alternatives to just being there."] - Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart

Symbols are simply nice-to-haves. I don't over-mysticize them. I know this all along, you see. And these are only a sampling.

So I remind myself: Truth can never harm, I shall (continue to) write.

Comments

[niti]

I'm glad you've decided to continue. after reading you for some time now, i've been looking at what's real, what's authentic, and re evaluating our public masks and personas, on one hand, thinking the way the publishers do, that is, don't display too much of the muck out there, and on the other hand, being made to think by your posts i.e. having the courage to be real.

[The Carp]

I'll second that: I also find what you write to be insightful and thought-provoking. Personally, I find it very difficult to write openly and honestly: the urge to self-censor, to not seem too 'out there' can be overwhelming. Your blog is inspirational in that regard. Also, you're writing about things that many of us are thinking about, or would like to think more about 'if only we had the time' - and doing it with a clarity of thought and language that provokes me, at least, to use it as a benchmark... Please, keep it up!

[Consumercy]

Dear Eve,

I read what I like. And I can't like one and read the other. What's amusing is most people like red, blue and black as 'their' colors. Red/Blue being representatives of what one yearns;the bright and the hope. Black the representative of one's truth. Sometimes secret. Sometimes locked

A book/lyric/play/movie appeals to one when one relates to it. When it's got the right balance of the red & the black. The virtues & the foibles. The ideal & the Real.

Watching one's own life each day is routine. But a kindred life sketched by another is seldom less absorbing. It's like watching oneself on celluloid or on papyrus. The joy of enjoying the same routine! Nothing compares.

Be Well. Think contrary.

Sarthak Brahma

http://consumercy.typepad.com

[Alan Gutierrez]

Evelyn - You're doing nothing to cheapen yourself in your writing. It's your writing. I read your posts thoroughly. You write clearly. You write well. You talk about your life experience. It doesn't make you common. It doesn't make you uncommon. It means that your work is non-fiction.

It probably makes it easier for you to write, and makes the material more compelling. It's simple. You might make too much of it. I've yet to perceive any weakness, confusion, dishevelment. It could well be imagined.

[Evelyn Rodriguez]

Thanks, all. The temptation is always there to hold back. Letting down our guard is usually perceived as weakness. But I'm learning it's just another type of strength.

I've noticed people have a hard time being themselves - and I must say it's even harder being yourself on paper. So the practice comes in real life interactions - with what's in front of us - and then letting that practice seep into our writing.