Some of these research results from The Six Myths of Creativity may be startling to you (although probably not if you're a regular reader here). But what I've been thinking of lately - because it's personally showing up in my life - is when all these factors are true for me - then why does guilt keep surfacing? When work isn't the four-letter-word-work anymore, why is there an unease about it?
After a fruitful group meeting last Saturday I was curious why and how the "process" of the meeting worked so well and realized it all was catalyzed by kicking off with each of us stating our "most engaging question."
If and when we ask questions about our own creativity, most often it is: What is holding us back? This week I asked instead: What question am I holding back? Somewhere I sensed there were questions that didn't dare surface and were lurking somewhere hidden.
I think this is a good question (What questions are we holding back?) to keep in the back of our minds. For me the questions are still perculating.
I'm curious that the more I enjoy my work and am joyfully intrinsically motivated, the less I care about being paid for it (after all it's not really work anymore) to the point where I will gladly work for free. It defies all logic that following your voice and your imagination is alright - and it's more than alright. It defies logic that you need to be paid to breathe or in the same vein, for anything that pulses with the life of inspiration. But...
Success follows doing what you want to do. There is no other way to be successful. - Malcolm S. Forbes
Willing to work without regard to pay isn't a bad place to be attitudinally, but taken to an extreme of resisting pay, it's highly unsustainable.
Another thing that surfaced is that having too much enjoyment working (enjoyment + working = oxymoron?) seems to throw my Puritanical meter out of whack: "Whoa, there, you are way beyond the allowable enjoyment threshold," it screams. "Tone it down there, missy - just a couple of notches in order of magnitude."
What is this self inside us, this silent observer,
severe and speechless critic, who can terrorize us.
And urge us on to futile activity,
and in the end, judge us still more severely;
For the errors into which his own reproaches drove us. - T.S. Eliot
It's not as if I want to focus on the barriers as the strange attractors for creativity are by far more compelling. But ignoring the barriers doesn't collapse them away either.
That's one reason I'm thinking perhaps the theme for the upcoming Personal Innovation Advance could be: All the Creativity You Can Eat...Without the Guilt.
Your exercise for the weekend should you choose to accept it:
What questions are you holding back?
This is also good opportunity for me to remind you of the Personal Innovation Advance held in the Bay Area, California from April 8th-12th, 2005. It's not merely an unconference - it's not a conference at all. Don't expect big name celebrity speakers. One (hopefully) takeaway from the advance should be that the answers aren't out there and it's only a matter of finding the right expert. Each of us is our own personal guru. We'll be sharing and experiencing practices that serve as sounding boards to amplify your own inner tune. And practices and techniques to accelerate breakthrough ideas galaxies beyond the Puritanical meter's limits. And we'll learn from and share with each other (btw, I learned the powerful group World Cafe format this past weekend too).
No man is great enough or wise enough for any of us to surrender our destiny to. The only way anyone can lead us is to restore to us the belief in our own guidance. - Henry Miller
Evelyn: A bit tip of the hat to you for sharing this.
I don't know if this relates to your experience, but something I know about myself is the pitfall of over-stimulation. Sometimes the aftermath of a really exciting, creative conversation can be a period of euphoria, followed by a kind of depression. It's a natural bodily response to counter the flood of adranalin flowing.
"Guilt" suggests some kind of internal dialogue is going on, like an inner voice saying something is wrong, morally. For me, when I slow down enough, I realise that before this thought there is a feeling - maybe sadness, maybe vulnerability. And when I just allow that feeling, instead of thinking about it too much... the guilt (or blame or whatever) tends to fade away.
By the way, I think the Puritans get a bit of a bad rap. At best, they favoured a kind of simplicity I admire - and their format for town hall meetings is pretty cool too :)
And thanks again for some top blogging E.
Posted by: Johnnie Moore | Dec 11, 2004 at 03:29 PM
Evelyn, I know exactly what you mean by the guilt you encounter when work is fun. I was raised with a strong sense of that old concept: the Protestant work ethic. I think it goes something like this. Struggle, struggle, eat, rest, struggle, and so on. And my role models didn't exactly refute this line of thinking. My own father never really enjoyed his work, but did it so he could support us. Same for most of my family. And I respect them for their dedication to us. The only person who truly enjoyed her work was my grandmother. She taught 4th grade and found significance through her work. She continues to be a strong influence on the path I'm blazing now toward purposeful work in my life and my efforts to help others do the same.
So, when the voice comes out and insists that you need to tone it down, tell it to go struggle somewhere else, preferably where there are lots of fast moving and heavy vehicles. Cheers, CB
Posted by: Christopher Bailey | Dec 13, 2004 at 09:50 AM
Very interesting question and one I've always been struggling with. Just recently on my blog I've been wondering about the guilt that comes with being praised or chosen as "the best" in a creative capacity. While there's no doubt that I enjoy those moments when they occur, they're always accompanied by a feeling that I should make it up to those who didn't make it, my 'rivals' or competitors.
Posted by: Natalie | Dec 13, 2004 at 03:39 PM