You Are the Message

Did you know in spoken conversation or public speaking, people respond to you more than the words (and therefore concepts) you mouth? Professor Albert Mehrabian of UCLA's research determined which factors influenced listener impressions the most and they were:

• 55% non-verbal (facial expressions, body language)
• 38% voice (quality, tone, pitch, variation, volume)
• 7% words themselves

This research is often quoted, but I ran across this book, You Are the Message: Getting What You Want by Being Who You Are by Roger Ailes and Jon Kraushar, this weekend that takes it to another level of applicability. I'm just thinking out loud here (as are most of my posts) but there's something to this that I think applies to online voice and influence as well. Exactly what body language and voice look like in two-dimensional blogosphere I'm still sorting out. A lot of the book is about displaying a range of emotion, letting down your guard, being human and many of the qualities of spoken 'voice' can almost find written equivalents.

The book is a compelling read and I had to force myself to put it down. The authors have coached numerous presidents and celebrities on public speaking. Bottom line is there's proof that likable presidents - the issues and politics are actually secondary - get elected (yup, they coached Reagan and Bush Senior). "Likable" doesn't meaning selling your soul, either. They are specifically not advocating manufacturing a contrived forced image but rather fully expressing your authentic self with ease. Seems as if people respond to real-life humans over image-conscious mechanical caricatures.

What would expressive writing look like? How do you convey YOU in writing? In written conversations? How are people reading 'between the lines' and what does it say? Are you attuned to your stakeholder's (could be reader) interests and desires without forsaking your own genuineness? What messages and signals am I really sending? These are the questions I'm churning in my head since coming across the book. And I only flipped through it. Definitely on the to-be-read pile. (And it looks invaluable if you deal much in face-to-face relations - not just public speaking.)

We talk about humanizing corporations and about authentic voice in corporate blogs - so I'd think the topics in this book are highly revelant if they can be effectively transferred to written communications. The book also appears to cover first impressions, what makes one 'likable', not taking yourself so seriously, making others comfortable, charisma, optimism and exuding life force in a very practical manner with lots of anecdotes and examples.

They always come back to what the person on the other side of the podium or desk is thinking...and more importantly feeling and desiring. Coaching one highly-paid professional on her job interviews - no bites prior to coaching - they advised: "Whenever I hire somebody in that range, I want to know how I'm going to make my money back plus." And this clinched it for me....whenever Ailes checks references for his own new hires, he asks: "How does/did this person make you feel?"

Snippets from the book:

"...acting isn't the skill required for effective communication of your own ideas. Acting is when someone asks you to be somebody other than who you really are. He or she hands you a script and asks you to play a part. On the other hand, performing is being you at your best.

Don't be frightened by the word "performing". Accept it... We all must do it and we all must do it well to be persuasive. It does not mean anything false. Remember, performing is simply being you at your best.

The biggest problem many people have with emotion in speaking, however, is that they try to control it or destructively repress it.

From the backflap:

"You are the message." What does that mean, exactly? It means that when you communicate with someone, it's not just the words you choose to send to the other person that make up the message. You're also sending signals about what kind of person you are--by your eyes, your facial expression, your body movement, your vocal pitch, tone, volume, and intensity, your commitment to your message, your sense of humor, and many other factors.

The receiving person is bombarded with symbols and signals from you. Everything you do in relation to other people causes them to make judgments about what you stand for and what your message is. "You are the message" comes down to the fact that unless you identify yourself as a walking, talking message, you miss that critical point.

The words themselves are meaningless unless the rest of you is in synchronization. The total you affects how others think of and respond to you.

Comments

[Yvonne DiVita]

I agree with this thinking. "Performing" your message is a great way to put it. But, is this why how a woman looks is often the dominant factor in her favor? Women's looks, hair, clothes, smile, etc. are commented on far more than men's-- making it difficult to "perform" your message when the perceiver is intent upon your chest or your hair or making prejudgements about you because of your gender. From the baby boomers on up to the Gen Xers, the business world has preconceived notions about women based on still existing stereotypical beliefs. A woman 'performing' to attract attention to herself or her business/product/service has to be careful what she wears, how much she smiles (I was once accused of flirting just because I smiled at a man)and more. A man, on the other hand, can "perform" to his heart's content...as long as he's neat and clean, he's okay.