Casi Cielo Salon

bravery regarding the fathomless of our own being - sakyong miphram rinpoche

"Deception is not a sign that we have karmic difficulties. Rather, it indicates a lack of honesty and insight. Constantly seeking a high in a desperate search for love or some fantastic new experience; we lack bravery regarding our lives. Trying to avoid boredom, pain, hard work, aging, and other traits of samsara and impermanence, we lack bravery regarding the reality of the world. Tricking ourselves into thinking we are having various meditation experiences because we are unable to sit with the simplicity of our mind, we lack bravery regarding the fathomlessness of our own being." - Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

Sometimes, it is hard to believe that day to day life--so-called "mundane" life--is where bravery truly resides...

It is where the rubber meets the road. It's far too easy being Zen in the monastery or Advaita in the ashram.

"In reality, life is perpetual motion. We cannot apply the slow-motion feature, or push the “Save” button and deal with it later. Life is always coming at us, or more accurately, we are always heading into life. Being hesitant, not approaching life engaged in forwardness, has a ripple effect. Life buckles behind us and builds up pressure, forcing us to move forward." - Bravery Without Deception essay, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

Using any techniques we've already described, or anything you've invented on the spot--describe something ordinary and brave you did today... preferably using sensory, concrete details rather than abstracts.

p.s. I had not heard of Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche until very recently. His father was well-known Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche. (I really loved Trugpa's book, "True Perception: The Path of Dharma Art" ), so I watched his video bio to get more backstory: "He is the ruler of Shambhala, a borderless kingdom of meditation practictioners committed to realizing enlightenment and social harmony through daily life." Yep, that spaceless space of Shambhala is ordinary, natural.

ART CREDITS: One in the exquisite collection PaPaYa! cards.

listen

We tend to spend a lot of life looking and seeing with our eyes. Or, perhaps, examining the thoughts and emotions swirling inside us.

Try this: Listen. Write about what you hear, right now. It could be simple like the gurgling of the water pipes, the click-clack of the keys on the keyboard, the slow hiss of a teapot on the stove.

Or you could walk outside and see what you can find as far as sounds from the street corner or the neighborhood park; "sit with eyes closed, and listen to passing voices.... Listen less to their words [and content] and more to delivery. Remember that even a cough, a laugh, or seemingly idle humming can speak, if only we knew how to listen."[1]

Notice the visceral and vibration feeling and quality of sounds in, within, around your body. 

Listen to what you don't hear.

"I'd got a little drowsy in the mind but was somehow physically wide awake sitting erect under my tree when suddenly I saw flowers, pink worlds of walls of them, salmon pink, in the Shh of silent woods (obtaining nirvana is like locating silence) and I saw an ancient vision of Dipankara Buddha who was the Buddha who never said anything, Dipankara as a vast snowy Pyramid Buddha with bushy wild black eyebrows like John L. Lewis and a terrible stare, all in an old location, an ancient snowy field like Alban ("A new field!" had yelled the Negro preacher woman), the whole vision making my hair rise. I remember the strange magic final cry that it evoked in me, whatever it means: Colyalcolor. It, the vision, was devoid of any sensation of I being myself, it was pure egolessness, just simply wild ethereal activities devoid of any wrong predicates . . . devoid of effort, devoid of mistake. "Everything's all right," I thought. "Form is emptiness and emptiness is form and we're here forever in one form or another which is empty. What the dead have accomplished, this rich silent hush of the Pure Awakened Land." I felt like crying out over the woods and rooftops of North Carolina announcing the glorious and simple truth." - Jack Kerouac, Dharma Bums

Listen when you have a chance to "deaf" percussionist Evelyn Glennie describe how she listens with her whole being:

 

BONUS: In the spirit of everyday, mundane, ordinary.... here Evelyn Glennie uses ordinary objects to sound out music.

[1] Exercise inspired by Now Write! Nonfiction, by Sherry Ellis, and also my mortal muse's advice (he's a musician) to listen to the world of sounds more.

ART CREDITS: Aeolian harp at castle in Baden-Baden, Germany

To be able to stand not knowing long enough to let something alive take shape! -- lynda barry

This week I devoted to more clearing out old beliefs, and their associated blocks. This ends up, in the end, being a collective clearing.

For instance,  you ever feel that it's "nice" to get feedback, kudos, approval and acknowledgement for your self-expression? Has this "nicety" become an ogre of a requirement?

What happens if no one responds to your expression? Does it matter to you? What if no one even shrugs at the song you share, the drawing you painted, the poem you wrote, the thing you said? Or worse, they say something critical? Or, what if they expect output on a regular schedule, and it starts feeling like an onerous chore? What do they want? Maybe this what they want?

Lynda Barry shared in her illustrated, graphic memoir What It Is, that as a child she really enjoyed the beingness of drawing.  Expressing was its own reward, and it was also an exploration into the unknown moment-by-moment as she didn't know in advance where the pencil and lines might take her.

"When I was little, I noticed that making lines on paper gave me a certain floating feeling. It made me feel like I was both there and not there. Before the two questions ["Is this good? Does this suck?], pictures and stories happened in a way that didn't involve much thinking. One line led to another until they somehow finished. I never felt like I was trying, and the drawing itself didn't matter too me much afterward."

Lynda Barry's floating feeling is basically the sublime bliss of beingness (i.e. when you're present).

I once volunteered at a urban youth art program. The least contrived, most gleeful pupils were the three-year-olds. Completely unabashed, they just dug into their drawing without a care in the world. What other people? What other approval? They didn't need to show it to their parents, or us.  They were off on the next drawing before anyone had a chance to critique their first drawing. Totally in the moment with the crayons and paper and such.  Results and outcomes are futuristic concerns that don't enter three-year-olds spontaneity.

Those three-year-olds painted to paint.

Now. Just like Lynda as a child. Like you.

But that slowly changed, Lynda shares:

"But those two questions [Is this good? Does it suck?] find everybody. Mine came in the guise of the two most popular girls in my 1st grade class. They liked me more after I made that picture. My teacher liked me more too. . . .

It turns out there are also drawings which make people dislike you. Drawings that make people think you are dirty or stupid or lame. One by one most kids I knew quit drawing and never drew again. It left behind too much evidence. Why did I keep drawing?

Because I figured out how to make the good kind. As for the bad drawings, I tried my best not to ever make them, but some clawed their way up to the surface of my paper anyway. There were so many ways for a picture to be bad.

. . . For the next 30 years I chased after only good drawing. While I drew, my main feelings were doubt and worry, and when I finished, my only feelings were relief and regret. I never drew for fun anymore--and I'd forgotten about that strange floating feeling making lines on paper used to give me. I'd forgotten how stories used to bubble up out of the lines and surprise me. It was why I started drawing--to meet those lines and stories."

Do you express for your own enjoyment of the moment? Are you secretly waiting for someone to judge it--good, bad, indifferent?

I've realized, I too, had lost the joy of creating for its own sake.

Got accustomed to feedback. Thrived on it. The last couple of years, I was in a relationship with a mutual muse. In the beginning, I wrote to write and imagine and crystallize. Then, I shifted: I wrote for him. And then, I didn't write at all since it felt more and more like an expectation, or a commitment....an obligation. Yech.

That is not the idea of this Salon. This is about present presence. If it's a commitment. If it's obligatory. Or if you expect someone to pat you on the back....Step back....

These are all signs that it's time to step back and answer for yourself, What's missing? Why? Ignore the others. What do you WANT to do and be for joy? How do you want to express yourself--especially when no one is watching?

Expression is natural. Don't be confined by what other people label as self-expression--it may not be poetry or drawing. Everyone expresses their individuated part of Wholeness uniquely. 

Is it fun--and natural--for you? Lynda had to sit with that swirl of questions about why she was being dominated by the "Is this good? Does this suck?" Where had she lost her enthusiam for the act of expressing itself? 

She says her emergence was helped by trust in the process of drawing, and she had to ignore the strong voice that chided, "And what the *&^%$# is that s'posta be?"

Lynda: "I don't know yet."

Voice: "Then why the **&^% are you wasting time drawing it?!" Rule #1: If you don't know what it is, it sucks."

Yep that is often our self-talk: "Blah blah that sucks blah blah. You better know what you are doing in advance and it better be likeable." AND, it's not based whatsoever on the present experience just as it is.

Eventually, Lynda had a breakthrough:

 . . . "To be able to stand not knowing long enough to let something alive take shape! Without the two questions so much is possible. To all the kids who quit drawing, come back!"

If no one was watching, what would you create today?

ART CREDITS: Cy Twombly's earlier works--which I adore--if you are in their physical proximity, they are raw and powerful... just like the presence in 3-year-old's drawings.  (Have to be honest and admit I don't enjoy his latest works near as much.... as if self-consciousness and museum polish has crept into his vibe.) Tiznet, 1953. (Agree with DearHeatherMarie: "It is so primitive, childish and wonderfully crude that I want to climb a mountain and yodel, naked. But I won’t. Instead, Cy’s work will be my muse for this week…"); Wider Shores of Love, 1985; and, Ferragusto IV, 1961

The etegami motto is “heta de ii, heta ga ii” roughly translated: It’s fine to be clumsy. In fact, the best etegami are clumsy!

Continuing on an etegami theme, Japanese blogger, Keiko, says:

"Kunio Koike, he is Etegami master, says “It is fine to be clumsy, clumsy one is the good one." This is the main point which etegami became popular in Japan. There are no rules exactly how to draw etegami, it's totally free and just drawing on a paper whatever you want." - Keiko, What is Etegami?, Hana ichirin blog

So an Etegami master himself (as of 2009 he was the president of Japanese Etegami Society, too) says that's the point it's perfectly fine to--

--be perfectly clumsy!

Go ahead and be free. Explore. Play. Can't do it wrong. There are no mistakes. Perfectionism is the only thing that gets in the way of perceiving the Perfection that is (nothing gets in the way, as all inclusive). Perfection already here, now, unborn, undying, eternal... not perfectionism. It's hard to believe that, I know. Find out for yourself.

I like how Dokushan Debbie (her artwork in yesterday's etegami post too) continues in the very same vein in her blog:

As I was in an experimental mood, I drew this etegami with a Pelikan-brand fountain pen filled with blue-black ink. I waited for the ink to dry completely before adding the gansai paint, but (as I feared it would) the fountain pen ink smeared as soon as it got wet. That's okay, though. Like I'm always saying, the best etegami is that which you don't have complete control over. - Deborah Davidson

Drop the two following questions from  life--and see, it's perfect. From Lynda Barry's illustrated 'graphic' memoir, What It Is:

"TWO QUESTIONS

• Is this good?
• Does this suck?

I'm not sure when these two questions became the only two questions I had about my work, or when making pictures and stories turned into something called 'my work'---I just know I'd stopped enjoying it and instead began to dread it.

When I was little, I noticed that making lines on paper gave me a certain feeling. It made me feel like I was both there and not there. The lines made a picture and the picture made a story. I wasn't the only kid it happened to. Every kid I knew could do it.

Before the two questions, pictures and stories happened in a way that didn't involve much thinking. One line led to another until they somehow finished. I never felt like I was trying, and the drawing itself didn't matter too much to me afterward."

Okay, we're flexing from etegami in strictest sense: Try making another picture + text of your present moment, perhaps your surroundings, during your day, but start it by sketching/doodling whatever it is you are observing first to chill out (or child out, as I like to say). The sketching itself, like Lynda Barry relates, can loosen you up--one line after another... très Zen. If you have access to kid's watercolor paints--even better! (If you are in the private Salon, send both along, or just the text.)

Bonus: The Nihon Sun article on the Japanese folk art of etegami gives more of an overview, and says, "Etegami are meant to be sent, rather than hoarded or displayed in frames." So they are gifts....

ART CREDITS: Eleven arms. Five arms. Ten arms. Perfect. Nine, too--Debbie has her 9-armed sea star etegami on sale for $19.99.

“To know the pine, go to the pine. To know the bamboo, go to the bamboo.” - basho

Etegami literally means picture letter in Japanese.

I don't recall how I found this lovely blog, Dosanko Debbie's Etegami Notebook, but it was some point after the March 11th Japan earthquake and tsunami.

They remind me of clear crispness of haiku accompanying a 'watercolored' image. Traditionally,

"They are usually done on postcards so that they can be easily mailed off to one's friends. Though etegami has few hard-and-fast rules, traditional tools and materials include writing brushes, sumi ink for the outline, blocks of water-soluble, mineral-based pigments called gansai, and absorbent washi postcards. They often depict some ordinary item from everyday life, especially items that bring a particular season to mind." - Dosanko Debbie

Adding haiku (or even just one line of text that distills a moment) can be part of the etegami. Debbie's etegami to the right takes Robert Haas' translation of a famous Basho haiku. More on haiku:

“This actual moment! That bedraggled crow! This moonlit evening, that cold rain on your skull! There you stand, inhabiting your body with animal clarity, wide-open senses, and no preconception or abstract idea can touch the experience itself. Buddhists call this tattva, thusness. “No ideas but in things,” William Carlos Williams famously wrote, setting ten thousand poems free from abstraction. He could have been reading Basho: “To know the pine, go to the pine. To know the bamboo, go to the bamboo.”

…Haiku’s simplicity of spirit is what so quickly allies it to Zen Buddhism. I like to think the current popularity of Zen in America is due in part to a tenacious belief that we remain a no-nonsense people, a people who talk straight and try to keep life simple – this and a mounting restlessness with our overabundance of things… This Thoreau-like hunger for unadorned living, and the belief that the richest insights can only be acquired through close-to-the-bone experience, carries on in the spirit of modern poets.” - from “Rucksack Poetry: How Haiku Found a Home in America”, Winter 2004, Tricycle, (in The Best Buddhist Writing 2005 anthology)

Start an etegami with a moment. What is the most immediate, or vivid, concrete image? (Doesn't have to be watercolored for this exercise.) Then add the first words that come to you. The artist Lynda Barry considers images 'alive', and I'll just quote one sentence from the intriguing What It Is picture book from her page titled "What Is An Image?"-- "At the center of everything we call 'the arts,' and children call 'play,' is something which seems alive."

ART CREDITS: Both etegami above, the bamboo fan and the two halves of melon, are Deborah Davidson of Dosanko Debbie Etegami Notebook's creations.

superconductor of life energy = no resistance to the current - mahendra trivedi

"There is one terminology in science that is applicable to everything. It is called conductivity. Thermal conductivity, optical conductivity, magnetic, electrical... All humans also have the conductivity for the life energy, for the divine energy...

This is wood. {Tapping his podium.} If you attempt a million times to flow the current from here to there, it is not going to flow because the resistance of this wood is very high for that type of energy. That is the definition of a bad conductor. What is the definition of a good conductor? No resistance--zero, no application of the small brain. " - Mahendra Trivedi

Life-force, or qi, pulsing and flowing free as a river is obstructed like a dam by concepts of past or future or 'them' or 'me' or should or should not within your present experience (pretty much all conceptual judgments of how you believe life ought to be, individually, collectively--experiment with that for yourself).

Zero resistance to life, as it is and on its own terms, is the same thing as being present, being current. And vice-versa.

I write this today particularly since I've generated resistance today (individual fears, not so universal) around memories and fears projected into future of being persecuted for mention of topics such as nondual wholeness,  unconditional love, miracles, present awareness, enlightenment. So that's why we're opening with Trivedi, because he's controversial enough to provoke panic as I write this.

One can go in and out or up and down in terms of levels of resistance... even within a single day.  You can definitely have zero resistance moments and see perfection as your perception all morning and afternoon, and then "lose" it when a memory triggers you that you've never resolved, for instance. How stubbornly resistant or not you were yesterday or last year or 'before' aren't relevant. It is not cumulative. It's this fresh now. Then this now....

I usually accomplish the in-fighting tone of resistance by denial of what is actually happening by insisting it should be happening according to some preconception I have (could be an inherited or adopted preconception, but that doesn't matter). No matter how nobel my preconception is, if it doesn't fit with reality as it occurs, it is resistance. River-wise, it's like rowing upstream to the current.

To me, it feels like "allowing" is not an action at all--it's more like the relaxation and relief from ending the action of blocking, pushing away, obstructing, fighting against life. So perhaps a natural, balanced neutrality.

What would it be like to allow reality to run its course without my preconceptions and expectations? Can I be curious about what Reality is actually like?

Thus, allowing feels more natural than response (the nudging "I should let go" effort itself is resistance), while resistance offers a combative or conflicted response with energy or effort behind it.  Allowing initially open up a rush of freed energy.

I'm antipating a question..., "Does this casual acceptance and allowance and zero resistance to life mean I'm a dumb doormat?" No it means Life flows through you like a super-conducting instrument. It happens through you more than by you. (It actually is your best interests, even though for a long time I had a hard time buying that idea as I'd seen close up my share of sorrows and horrors.  I thought that life itself had produced all that suffering, rather than my opposition to it --the hidden, ingrained belief that I was over here and over there was Life.)

As Mahendra Trivedi (among others) point to, it is as life unfolds in the present where infinite possibility for the infinitely novel and that which has no reference point or frames of reference (like past and future), including miracles, flourishes.

"Inspiration arises when we uncover the perfection underlying appearances." - Almine

ART CREDITS: photo of graffiti, Los Angeles River from Life magazine by David McNew; Kayak Serenity by Sue Duda

 

What in this moment is lacking? - Rinzai Zen adage

Not present today. So it's a mental blur, almost as if I 'lost' a day. So it's a good day to discuss "obstacles" [1]. "What if" thoughts can be playful. I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about worry snowballs on the way to an avalanche.

Worry is the misuse of the imagination. - anonymous

Thinking about and believing one iota of our worst cases future scenarios around challenges is probably the number one cause of stress (in other words, not being present). This Byron Katie video addresses one common worry and yearning (a similar line of thinking applies to many concerns over  a myriad of challenges).

In the video, she talks about taking money concerns to the extreme. What's the worst thing that can happen? Lose your car and home? Okay, so imagine you are sitting outside on the day they foreclose on your former home. You are looking at your home from the neighbor's curb, and the sky is beautiful. Do you need more money in this moment--is it true? Are you okay? [2]

What, in this moment...this moment... is lacking? - Rinzai Zen adage (an invitation to be still and observe reality, rather than list a litany of what's seemingly missing...)

It's worth watching the video (if you are in a hurry, start at 5:00) and place yourself in that scenario (or use it to spur your worst case worry and do the exercise on that).

It's funny that my mind immediately went to: I'm not okay, it could rain hard and heavy enough to be unpleasant outdoors, turn cold and then I'd get cold and then.... (uh, that's the future--Katie already said it was "a beautiful sky" right now). But where will I sleep tonight? (again, that's later--anything can happen between now and then). 

Wherever I went I was anywhere but  simply sitting, on a curb, on a bright sunshiny day right then and there.

Yes, I'm okay.

A common complaint about the present, is "If I were in the present, then I wouldn't get anything done." Thinking and doing aren't the same. Worrying and doing definitely aren't.

These excuses are a sly way to avoid the present moment. The secret is most fear the present because in a real sense, "I" don't exist in the present, only All of Existence flows through. It's not that you are more fully alive when you are present, it's fully Life there, and no you.

Back to the practical, in the same day, I found this Abraham-Hicks video about a lady who makes lists. Again, action that comes from peace of presence is far different than that which comes from panic.

"It is helpful to make sure you are in alignment before you take action."- Abraham-Hicks

The lady in the video tells the story that she's driving down a bridge, and sees some folks. "What are you doing?" "We're jumping off the bridge." she leaps off a 45-foot bridge. Ecstasy, she says. And next day, her neck goes out. She is wondering what is off since she is so sure she is living "in my Now."

This distills why I underscore it's ordinary rapture:

"There is so much zest for life to be lived in far less jumping-off-bridges kind of ways, you see. And even the fact that you're jumping off of a bridge is a little bit of an indication that you're looking for something that you haven't been able to find in normal places... In so many normal places there is as much exhilaration as jumping off bridges will bring you... 

It is our absolute knowing that you could sit on a bridge with nobody else around, come into alignment with who you are, and have a greater thrill than jumping off the bridge, you see. So what's our message--'Stop jumping off bridges'? Not at all. Stop looking for the kick you're looking for through action, and find it through energy alignment. So then when you say that I hardly do anything except revel in my Beingness, then we'd say, 'Good, now jump off some bridges.'" - Abraham-Hicks video clip, 2007 HawaiianWell Being Cruise

p.s. The first time I read Power of Now I took it to a cabin in the hills for a solo retreat with the last of my money (then), and I hadn't earned any income in a long, long spell. I mainly watched clouds during nap festivals, and admired ferns and moss. When I got back to civilization, a friend calls within the week, Do you happen to be available for a gig? His CEO cousin at a start-up ended up hired me for good fees for a long-term contract. The nap festivals were their own reward.

[1] So called "obstacles" are still the path. They arise from same Spot the whole kit and caboodle do. It's okay to veer off into cul-de-sac explorations too. They only feel a little crappier than calm.

[2] Not being heartless to people losing homes, etc. I chose a concern I could identify with. And it's also a cautionary tale as my anxiety bullied any inspiration. Folks worry about all sorts of things not even a glimmer of happening to them, yet in case of anyone thinking, "That's easy for you to sit there musing--that's never happened..." Yep, been there, done that similar penniless, car-free, home-free (rented) scenario in this life. 

the important thing is to express yourself - San Francisco street stencil

 

"In true meditation all objects are left to their natural functioning. This means that no effort should be made to manipulate or suppress any object of awareness." - Adyashanti, complete True Meditation handout here

Whatever you are noting is the right thing to jot. Whatever you are writing is just fine too. Whatever you take a photo of--fantastic. Whatever you decide to share or not to share is perfect. Therefore, there are no critiques in this Intensive. Just be, just do whatever you feel moved to. There's no set-in-stone rule, or goal, or must. Whatever you feel moved to. Who could be the judge of that?

(It is kind of liberating knowing you cannot express It wrong since any part is part and parcel of all of It....)

ART CREDITS: Express Yourself photo by my friend Eve on Flickr.

memory is an interesting playmate - elizabeth bunsen

What if a memory occurs to you in the present?

How might you incorporate that without losing presence?

I don't wish to make memory an enemy--that's not the point. In witnessing my own experience, I agree with this statement:

"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry—all forms of fear—are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past,  and not enough presence." - Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Having a memory isn't an  issue at all. Enjoy yourself.

Now, does said memory cause you any remorse? If so, there is often an opinion (usually hurtful if you feel regret) around the memory that you're holding onto and dragging into the present moment. Often these held emotions obscure (and can block) current inspiration and clarity. This emotional release is a large topic; I recommend techniques like The Work (free resources there) and Trauma Release as being  helpful.

"To be free of time is to be free of the psychological need of past for your identity and future for your fulfillment." - Eckhart Tolle

A memory with presence, sans carried-over attachment, is simply rendered in this example, titled Solar Evidence, over at the Be...Dream...Play blog. In fact, I recommend the Be...Dream...Play blog as an interesting example of capturing the everyday, so-called "mundane" moments by incorporating short word-sketches, mixed-media journal pages, and photography.

The emotions she shares seem to the reader arising from the immediate, present moment and just like she says, she uses memory as a playmate (and not an anchor). Go check it out. (I also like how Elizabeth weaves words and photos in that example.)

ART CREDITS: Both are Elizabeth Bunsen's blog photos. First is from the entry I recommended on memory, titled Solar Evidence. Second is "wabi-sabi" found art on snow, titled Rain and Coffee.

looking beyond the labels of things and discovering the remarkable world around you. - Freeman Patterson

Seeing, in the finest and broadest sense, means using your senses, your intellect, and your emotions. It means encountering your subject matter with your whole being. It means looking beyond the labels of things and discovering the remarkable world around you. - Freeman Patterson

"It's an ugly day--you're going out walking?" my Mom asks incredulously.

Ugly? The sky is overcast, that's about it. 

In fact, I'm aware that many people would consider the walk I embarked on yesterday and the day before and the day before that around the neighborhood to be ugly, boring, mundane, meh. Devoid of spicy content, stark, or at least if there were any redeeming beauty it'd be understated. I could point out the prettier parts of that journey: the matte glow of quartzy peaks (not glossy finish like other gems) backdropping the skyline at sunset, the white plum blossoms fluffy light as snow... but those treats are far and in between and for the most part, the reaction would be a shrug.

Not getting caught up in the labels "good/bad", "right/wrong", "negative/positive", "better/worse", "attraction/aversion" is sufficiently Zen enough practice. However, lately I have also noticed the subtle external pressure to assert the plum tree's beauty, and downplay the straggly Mormon tea. The fascination and, dare I say it, agape I've sensed over broken tile and chunks of amber glass and the chain link pattern and the tin foil wrapped around a yucca is impossible for me to convey. But you need not my translation of that seeing, Awareness peers through the same eyes as you or I. And it's available at each moment.

The "beauty/ugly" dichotomy comes up more in art--so perhaps in our writing or snapshots or sketches or films, but it originates in our observations and interpretations. We're not going to write about what we don't even see (or acknowledge as part of existence).

"I am not interested in shooting new things--I am interested to see things new." - Ernest Haas

The pull to only affirm the beautiful (or even find that label relevant) got harder to pull off mentally when I started one practice in the past month or so.

It can be a difficult practice to begin. Basically, I would apply a question to anything that showed up in my life, or already was part of it--instead of immediately looking to change it, fix it, evade it, figure it out, dismiss it, embrace it, criticize it or whatever the impulse might be--and in the last year, I'd say the tendency has been towards idea, "That shouldn't be [happening]," or "This is working out the wrong way."

"We see what we conclude about the world." - Adyashanti, March 9, 2011 video satsang

I changed my mind and gave the Universe the benefit of the doubt. I asked: What if a vaster Intelligence, not separate from myself, did know exactly what it was doing (i.e. ahem, I am not in charge or control of It) and everything is unfolding just as it should?

Perhaps I didn't comprehend Reality's point of view--but did that make it wrong? Maybe not. I relaxed more around the question.

I'd apply it to everything as it was occuring and even went so far as using it with a recurring memory affecting me in present-tense: What are three reasons I can come up with (not necessarily anything Truth would give as any answer, since I don't know) that this should have happened as it did? (And yes, there is always the Byron Katie answer, which might go something like: "Because it did happen that way, and I am no longer interested in fighting against reality." But I was trying to stretch further.)

Eventually 'reality' felt like 'totality' and in the last week it has been difficult to distinguish things or events or scenarios or beings as "ugly" or "beautiful." Even to say that it's all beautiful, doesn't quite feel truthful--it's not necessary. As I said, I am quite aware of the cultural expectations of things and events and how the majority perception and compartmentalization, but as I look at things those labels have become irrelevant.

"Seeing the smallest dewdrop, you can stand in awe of perfection." - John Shaw

 p.s. I like the synchronicity of Freeman Patterson quote, finding out he has a Masters in Divinity, and also the symbolism--a free man, a free being. Oh, yes, actually you can feel euphoric rush on actually seeing little brown grasses through the eyes of Awareness... touch the "primordial ground where distinction never gazed" --Meister Eckhart:

"...I often tell about one December morning, back about 1993, when I looked out on the field behind my house. The grasses had been tall and very brown, but had been smashed down by snow, and when the snow had melted, they appeared to be all woven together, integrated. And then a smattering of snow had come again - so now there were medium, neutral brown grasses all woven together covered with tiny flakes of white and little pin pricks of black shadows here and there. When I looked at it all, I ran for the camera and the tripod and spent about 45 minutes shooting this tapestry – all the while carefully avoiding any line or shape that might function as a centre of interest. As I did, I kept getting higher, and higher, and higher. I was in a state of euphoria by the time I was finished. So I made some tea, went back out and sat on the deck and looked at this field and asked myself what’s going on here. Obviously something significant was going on because you don’t get into a state of euphoria over shooting some brown grasses with a little snow on them." - Freeman Patterson

ART CREDITS: Route 66, by Ernest Haas; last two photographs by Freeman Patterson via this great inteview by Chris Maher and Larry Berman.